Violent colours dancing on your face
I watch from afar
I look away
Violent colours stabbing my heart
The leaves are swaying
Hair strands gripped on to your sweaty face
I remember your anecdotes
I remember you doted on me
I remember it all
How did I have no eyes back then?
The poets and singers lament my foolishness
He is standing next to you
My stomach is upset with rage
As he removes the silk strands from your face
I mourn our days
Sunlight leaking through leaves
My once-negligent heart now twisting and turning
Oh what I wouldn’t give now
To have it all back
I look at my palms and I look at your face
You and your new friend begin to move away
I am empty with a shell for a heart,
Cursing myself for letting you go
Wondering about how could I not know
I cannot bear staying apart.
Give me a cushion, I’ll lay your head.
You think you’re useless, but I’m not dead
I’ll hammer in some sense, my God,
You’re a fucking treasure!
I love your work, your art, your thoughts
Your pain and your pleasure
Cry all you want, here, take some ice-cream
You can, always, come crying to me
I’ll tell you some new jokes for myself to laugh at
So you’d smile too; for me that’s enough, and
I love you like family, my friend,
You say you love me too
We’re fucking amazing
At most things we do!
Or maybe just some things, who cares, right?
Let’s listen to some music and we’ll be just fine.
There’s more than what meets the eye
Didn't you say, you were mine?
The clock will strike twelve, where will you go then?
In the dark, I will not look for you anymore
I have never looked for anything but my reflection
My yellowing pages are all about me
I can let go of new chapters
I can let go of pages before they decay
I will not ask you to stay
Forever is too long, the ink will dry out
The clock strikes twelve, almost
It’s time to turn into our ghosts
There was more than what met the eye
No matter,
I am great at goodbyes.
I think I am happy, I wrote some new songs.
I love the sunsets, and where I come from,
There is much beauty but there is more evil
It hurts to look, and when you do see them
You blame all mankind, you refuse to exist
You can’t solve a thing, not those you wished
Your friends might still love you
Wrap you with smiles
But so many unhappy,
The disparity in lives-
But I think I’m happy. I just wrote some songs
I know I can’t really right all the wrongs
I’m glad for friendships, for family as well
We live in our fights and the cold war spells
Let’s have some chocolates. You want some tea?
I think I am happy, and I want you to be
Glad that you met me, glad that you’re here
Tapping on the moment, spreading some cheer
I’m glad to have met you; I’ll write you a song
I’m starting a journey, friend. Won’t you come along?
I imagine the sun settingflowingdropping into the crease of buildings
A mellow skyline, pink and rose and yellow and blushing
I imagine everyday beauty
I am inside a small room and I never go out.
My house is only two storeys high
My ambition no higher
I crave the softness that comes with smallness
All I taste is the gap I never even dream to remove someday
I often wonder what other dots in the web are doing
It glitches my mind and I get disconnected
I bet it’s beautiful outside
Even the high-rise residents can’t jog at their beautified parks
I wrap my arm around my pillow
Take a deep breath
I am herenowalwaysforever
I pick a movie to watch
The deadlines can wait
The dead lines aren’t waiting
They’re piling up at riverbanks
I’m still at home playingwatchingignoring a movie
I’m too afraid to murmur a premature thanks
I stare at the ceiling
My spotify is wailing
The only thing moving is the fan.
The screen flashes into ecstatic noises
I throw a pillow to suffocate it and it groans
It’s a new smartphone, but no wonder not wise
Did he say yes, or no?
The notifications lie stagnant under the pillow
My heart’s beating loud and I’m warm
So is my phone
Under the pillow it waits for my expectant palm
I can’t bear to take it out but I stare at it
My entire room throbbing in anticipation
Even the lizard on the wall pauses to take a look
And I start to lose all my patience
Yes, yes! He likes me too
Oh, to be online and in love!
I kiss the screen
And start typing
It’s virtual, but real enough.
I make fun of his love
And his cheesy 2 a.m. poetry
He's chased her for six long years
And it doesn't make any sense to me
I say, I might be dead in six years
How did your love not die?
He says, he needed the six years
To be able to survive his life
That she reminded him of soft sunsets:
I reminded him, she was cold
He insists on her rosy pictures.
Oh, love and its blindfolds...
I laugh but he knows I'm crying
How does it feel to be loved? I ask
I wish I'd caused six moments of longing
At least six seconds, perhaps
I remember those who said they liked me
After six minutes of mindless chats
I remember being amused and flattered
But never moved by any of that
I never felt connected, I tell him
He asks me if I felt stuck
Yes, I didn't feel loved, I say,
In any case, not loved enough
I suppose it's just me, I finally say,
But I think it's too soon to conclude
He says he'll chase money now
Chasing love is of no use
We bond over our lovesick hearts
Our fragile little friendship starts
As we wait six years, both of us
To woo or to be wooed.
My silences are sprinting
They're so many, at once
There's a pimple on my wooden face
Waiting to be burst
But the silences come first
They threaten me with an explosion
I can already smell ashes
Grey, spotty, flaky, and choking
A ruined world remaking
No I'm not romanticizing
Someone else's war
All my problems are mine, okay?
My jarred edges
Reek of stale cynicism
My unlit mind
Damp and resistant to hope
I try to look like I care
Resharing brutal news
Replaying the victims' tears
I mimic activism
Lying passive in my bed of privilege
Unremarkable in my performative concern
As I think to myself
The world will always stretch, tear and burn
I am throwing my words around
Because I like their gibberish sounds
They're hurdles for the silent beams
That are racing towards me
And I don't want to be found.
I will Rest my chubby fingers Against the cool iron bars Before my white painted windows Rest my sad shaped shoulder Against a wall which homes me Rest myself
The rain sings so beautifully It is beyond all writing I am beyond all words
I can be a moldy green patch of earth Who said I’m a girl? My feet isn’t skin They’re shells And they’re beautiful
The rain falls like it knows How to empty me I am happy as I know I am not only me
I am the rain The iron bars The window and the wall I have never lived or never died But I am alive and I’m singing
Today I don’t need to write Because today I can feel Today I can be Today I can sing What else do I need?
You spoke to me and I listened
When I spoke, you smiled
I teased you so you'd blush
And it wasn't a lie
I really did laugh at your sorry attempts at jokes
But I could never call you my jaan
Because loving to talk to you
Isn't the same as love
But you refused to be my dost
And we're forever undone:
Neither my friend nor my love,
I wonder what we have become.
