Some people are soft. I talk to her and I melt, how can a girl be Cotton candy? I read books and I wonder Like my scant-smile professor asks Do we see words or sentences? Do I see meanings? Someone looked proud of me today So I decided to believe it’s summer after all Not the bad kind with scorching stress The good kind Of childhood, holidays and holiday homework Of evenings in swings and ice-cream nights Some people are soft, you see They are the good kind. Cotton candy and white coconut flesh joy Refreshing. But I will go back Churn myself over to those who will spurn me I talk to them and I sting How can a man be a tempting thorn? Or, like the other girl who’s so brilliant that I cannot trust her eyes I squint and keep still, she throws her skeleton at my arms Flaming thoughts rupture into my skin I wish to win affection from her. And him. Some people aren’t soft. But it’s not so easy You see They are the good kind, too Some souls help me heal Some break me anew.
Tag: thoughts
Make sense
I was so lonely that I ran away to be alone So that it can make sense. Paper-pink flowers fell on my head today So I petted a cat Unafraid For the first time. She was hungry, and I gave her nothing to eat I was holding a paper-pink flower and nothing else. She left my hungry arm for another woman I thanked her for feeding the cat She told me that I may give her a name. How can I name her, if she is not to be mine? I ran away again So that there is no cat So that it can make sense. I was thinking about you the other day How I loved you more than anything But of course, I had to run away So that it can make sense When you see how unlovely I have always been. I have to keep running away Because nothing ever makes sense to me.
Write and wrong
By 9 pm I decided never to write Of what I feel Isn't it too common? Feeling poetry? What could I write about? Heartbreaks, lost hopes, The bright side of dark jokes; The persistent disappointment by men. Oh no I'm back again Writing about commonplace woes In commonplace tongue I keep writing what I feel Should I write about what I've done? Nothing there. Empty. Recoiling into spirals again Stop. Set free. If only we could help it. (The permanent disappointment Of the self.) It's way past 12, Midnight sleeps with me Tell me something so I don't have to write. Tell me something, Quickly. I must spend the night Tomorrow I'll wake up, I promise And I'll write about new things to think Tonight let me be all about My metaphored sorrows Translucent smiles The gaps left behind in unspoken goodbyes And such things that flow rivers down my eyes Such things I carry in my small womanly pocket. I worry I cannot see beyond what's right in front of my gaze I worry I see and I know so little My words are bound to fail I rhyme, and I know they don't aid memory Only makes my voice forced I can't do away with it, where will my words go? Scatter, yes, they will. Every day I scatter them Every day I open my mouth I do not wish to speak On my writing table I sit to seek Meanings. I cook my words to flavour them Add endings and beginnings. Yet I get lost, so often Did I just burn the dish? Oh the stench is so rotten I can do better. Or so I'd like to think.
Unsent text.
A man who loves to read poetry Can be nothing like it A mother may not be a mother A promise, not secure. Anything can be any other thing So we say “usually” We say “of course, not always” They say, “statistically”. I say, “maybe It was the idea of you That sat on my heart Heavy” You were nothing like you. Was I at all like me?
Mourn.
She is burying her heart deep in her sleep Stop her, stop her She is unwomanly in her grave Just because she's heartless, she cannot be called brave. I used to see her awake at night Eyes sparkling Mind meandering inside waves of words She read and read until she forgot to write And I lost interest There was no food to eat or clothes to fold Not even movies to watch I was away, for a while Now I've come back Now I've seen many like her Exact copies Cropped hair, tanned skin, eyes like pearls The ones who forgot how to be girls Teach them how to pose, to act Won't you? Won't you? She looks at me with eyes erased My words have no power, My love has no strength I try to return To see her So she'll see me But the nights sigh away, in vain She throws dust upon herself, numb I wonder if these things can be undone. Couldn't you buy yourself hearts? With money? I never had any, I only had eyes. Even then I haven't been very wise Will she change and rise undead, Or rest forever in her premature grave?
Revisit
I remember you, all the time When the days are shapeless Rain falling lonely on a little puddle A man walking home to his bed I remember how you said Nothing. Nothing when I loved you, quiet Not a word when I stroked your hair I remember everything you didn't say or do I remember everything else about you I remember you because you're not there. The rain falls harder and the puddle overspills I never said I loved you, and I never will Perhaps I didn't Perhaps you know that too I remember when you left one day Smiling, "See you soon."
Thriller
I'll kill my body the way it kills me Slurp slash swing Sweet gore for no audience but me A boy's wet dream I spill out with my stretch marks My breasts are uneven Belly bulging softly, too much Hyenas of men paste their eyes, at will. I spend all day scrubbing them off Their tongues wagging for a sickly touch I should kill my urge to kill Unwanted eyes ungodly stares Unwanted men everywhere I sit frozen, still.
Greetings
Are you happy or have you been ...? I ask you how you are but I don't want to listen I know you'll mould sound waves of sadness "I'm fine". Such cliche. So boring! Tell me you're happy And we can breathe Tell me you're sad And we can leave I shouldn't ask you questions, I know. I see you crying every night Newborn tears, so funny in the daylight Tell me you'll be okay and I can rest. Loving ourselves is by far the hardest I speak to myself so I can't disappear So, are you happy Or shedding tears?
Insufferable.
1 Ease me, don't tease me Quantify your love aloud for buckets to fill Prodding my sharp doubts I incise into your soft corners But, if you don't appease me, who will? I soaked myself in rain Muddy glory, sensuous in petrichor spark Your breath seemed fresh when we kissed I buried my hand inside your lungs To throw out all the hurt, disease, You smoked into the air in rings Red. Love. Passion. Are you scared of my obsession? Alas, we had come so far. 2 I love you so much it breaks my heart into glass dust on the shore The music stops, suddenly I am so bone-haggard, alone, termite hollow and sick Bereft of you, my love, I waste away into dust I love you knowing you cannot return I sealed our fate as we sealed our lips Cold blues rippled on your face as I refused your kiss I hate you, I'd said, and you believed my words I'd pictured pain but it turned out worse. 3 Grieve the skin that has burnt in black New flesh takes over, you say Rapid and anxious Pink and glowing in health Won't you grieve what smoked and peeled? It was you, too Even if it was brief Skin cells now turned to dust, broomed away Such pain I must grieve the skin you'd set ablaze, So I can let it be replaced Can we not begin again?
Morning
Sunflower columns invade my windows I welcome them with broken bars My human grass in goosebumps, dancing Oh, the maddening beauty of this world Remember when we swore it’s pointless, Linked arms and drank away our hate? We lived in spite but ah well, my friend At least I’ve lived to see this day. It hurts sometimes, it hurts a lot You remember when you had thought of leaving So-and-so does this-or-that Our sunflowers droop and weep perhaps For unfinished memory to fill the gaps Of what we wanted the world to be The flowers are so wild today Shots fired within my hollow shell The flowers make me bloom, unruly My stoic heart is moved, it sways Where shall I go, through the windows unbarred? Dig beauty like golden soil unearthed? The world is so mesmerizing My melancholy swoons, declining I am just a girl in love.
mimimusing 