Tag: writing

Write and wrong

ahonarcLeave a comment
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
By 9 pm I decided never to write
Of what I feel
Isn't it too common?
Feeling poetry?
What could I write about?
Heartbreaks, lost hopes,
The bright side of dark jokes;
The persistent disappointment by men.
Oh no I'm back again
Writing about commonplace woes
In commonplace tongue
I keep writing what I feel
Should I write about what I've done?
Nothing there. Empty.
Recoiling into spirals again
Stop. Set free. If only we could help it.
(The permanent disappointment
Of the self.)

It's way past 12,
Midnight sleeps with me
Tell me something so I don't have to write.
Tell me something,
Quickly.
I must spend the night
Tomorrow I'll wake up, I promise
And I'll write about new things to think
Tonight let me be all about
My metaphored sorrows
Translucent smiles
The gaps left behind in unspoken goodbyes
And such things that flow rivers down my eyes
Such things I carry in my small womanly pocket.
I worry I cannot see beyond what's right in front of my gaze
I worry I see and I know so little
My words are bound to fail
I rhyme, and I know they don't aid memory
Only makes my voice forced
I can't do away with it, where will my words go?
Scatter, yes, they will.

Every day I scatter them
Every day I open my mouth

I do not wish to speak
On my writing table I sit to seek
Meanings.

I cook my words to flavour them
Add endings and beginnings.
Yet I get lost, so often
Did I just burn the dish?
Oh the stench is so rotten
I can do better.

Or so I'd like to think.

Friends

ahonarc1 Comment
Photo by Aline Viana Prado on Pexels.com
I think I am happy, I wrote some new songs.
I love the sunsets, and where I come from,
There is much beauty but there is more evil
It hurts to look, and when you do see them
You blame all mankind, you refuse to exist
You can’t solve a thing, not those you wished

Your friends might still love you
Wrap you with smiles
But so many unhappy,
The disparity in lives-

But I think I’m happy. I just wrote some songs
I know I can’t really right all the wrongs
I’m glad for friendships, for family as well
We live in our fights and the cold war spells

Let’s have some chocolates. You want some tea?
I think I am happy, and I want you to be
Glad that you met me, glad that you’re here
Tapping on the moment, spreading some cheer

I’m glad to have met you; I’ll write you a song
I’m starting a journey, friend. Won’t you come along?

Him

ahonarcLeave a comment
Photo by Kei Scampa on Pexels.com
He was singing with sleep in his mouth
My head was full of waking dreams
Our arms melted into skin in love
My sleeplessness was soothed by it

I asked him who he was
He said he has always been,
Sometimes the drop of yellow paint
On the dusky city sky
Sometimes a bubble of nostalgia
Of familiar roads I pass by
Sometimes nothing more
Than a ray of hope
That there will be another day
Or maybe a poem I wrote
Thinking about things adore
Or complaining about those I hate

He sang to me until I fell asleep
Blessed me with dreams to dream
I don't know who he is or will be
I know he will give me wings

Pausing to reflect

ahonarc1 Comment

Paint a pair of eyes on me
So I can look at the world and not fall apart
Dilute the blood of a rose
Sprinkle it on the glasses I wear
Make some goals for me
Add a spoonful of meaning

Yes, I’m asking a lot

But I want to be hopeful even when I’m not.
What makes me happy
Is what makes me sad
But what I regret are the feelings I never had

Am I just following my peers?
But I am still here
The road is too long and everyone’s ahead
Who will I be when I am but blank
Eyes emptied into screens
Memories of sand

I am not even
A palimpsest.
A charcoaled page,

Gone to waste?

Hibiscus

ahonarcLeave a comment

<inspired by the drama I Told Sunset About You>

Hibiscus.
His name plays in my mouth
My arms lie locked with his,
We’re fighting

Hibiscus
Anything to draw him in…
I throw my glances-
One at him and the next at the sea,
Wait for a moment
While I stare at another man

Hibiscus
My cheeks are volcanic
I can sense that you want me
Hibiscus-
Why are you running?
To her?- who thinks I am just a boy
A long lost friend-turned-rival-turned…
Hibiscus!

Why can’t I be Patroclus?
I’d die for you
Without an epic to sing of my name
Hibiscus,
I will be yours
Will you tell sunset about me?

Or will we be dried flowers
Within yellow pages of our book
The words never spoken aloud?
Hibiscus,
I want to be found.

Sigh.

ahonarcLeave a comment

I know my thoughts will roam about
I’ve got to bring them home, but how?
They’ll peep in through my neighbour’s door
They’ll tell me what they have more

I’ll play a tug of war with the spies
Reel them away from the magic-eyes
I’m tired, tired, tired, tired
My anxiety soaring higher

Frictionless thoughts will slide past me
Rushing out with lightning speed
I will throw my net but it is torn
I am sick and I am worn out.

My thoughts are still
Beyond my will
Roaming about.

I hate that I love myself

ahonarcLeave a comment

I hate that I love myself
Even when I can’t.
At me the looking glass gapes
With a shadow as lifeless
As the idol’s eyes in the temple
Looking straight beyond me
When I once used to pray

I hate that I look at the glass
Harder and harder
Trying to imagine myself into
An aesthetic self
A wise woman
A smiling soul
Bubbling with joy
With a contagious smile

I hate that I make myself believe
I need not be anyone else
My reflection is flawed but never me
Only the glass could be purer
Oh I couldn’t be surer

But I hate that I don’t love myself
As soon as my coerced conception
Breaks into pieces
The illusion shattering into shards of glass
Piercing me everywhere
And I’m back again

Stranded in the dark alley
Sitting with my knees bent
Drenching in the never ending rain.

Of cigarettes and ends

ahonarcLeave a comment

When the blue sky drips down
And darkens into my hair
When my skin is sketched with human dust
I lie down on seas of grass.

Pearls flow out of my half-closed eyes
A gathering grows around me
Spectres and smoke-heavy souls
Touch my arm in a grey breeze

My demure lips part in peace
Closer to freedom than bliss.

Each time my mother lacked care
My father, love
Myself, hope
I sighed.
I blew out lukewarm images
Of the Ones Who Should Have Been.

They have come to visit me, finally,
A swarm of smoke enters my soul
Each whiff a companion
My heart is full.

Under construction

ahonarcLeave a comment

The sand bag of my body
Leaks through tears on the sides
When I cry at night
Stone chips rest on my chest
They collect one by one
Clink, clink, clink
Seconds tick inside aloud

My sack is a shroud
That I sewed for myself
Threads made out of
Agonising hate
I’m cemented to the floor,
I need some help
I want to get back up.

Should I wait for the bulldozer to arrive
On some time even gloomier than this?
I’m perhaps already laughing at myself
On the other side of the pain
In moments of bliss and disbelief.
I don’t need help, please.

Raindrops

ahonarcLeave a comment

Monsoon breeds rainy eves
Outside I hear, raindrops scream
Like lovers with fiery passion
With almost a violent motion
They rush to kiss the earth.
Their watery bodies
Shaped like exclamation marks
Strike the ground.

There’s no other sound
I’d rather listen to.
Oh how I enjoy
To drown my thoughts
More often than not
With steady noise.

Hit me with the rain
Do away with words
I’m so tired of your questions
Knocking on my door
Over and over again
Drench me in rain!

My murky mind is paused
Oh, I am so lost.