My aloneness is an island Walls so high that a tsunami can't break it down My aloneness is naked I keep trying to clothe myself in strangers' words But my skeletoned yearning is exposed and loud It's battering my brain I am back this time again My aloneness is punching me to a pulp I have no memories to eat I am hungry and in need I think I'm going to throw up.
How many arms did I touch And flinched away Before the blink of an eye? How many words did I miss To mouth into a phrase To greet a passer-by? How many smiles did I keep Chained into coldness Instead of laughing wide? And more importantly, Why? Why is it that I look back now Recalling names who could've been friends Heaping on sighs as the hours go by, Why is it that I know I'll drown Making the same mistakes again and again Knowing I'll never be able to try Am I dooming myself to loneliness? I wonder what's the worse case- Feeling lonely in a crowd Or lonely enough by oneself?
I like looking at my half-lit face
A vapid reflection on the bookshelf glass
I see the knowledge gained
So that some knowledge is lost
Outside my window I can reach out
I’ll almost touch the blank wall
But it doesn’t reflect me
Not even a half-frown or a straight smile.
To the poets who can sing of stories
In the breath of history
I am all ears in appreciation
But where am I in the conquered wombs
And the raging warriors
Where am I in the forests of civilisation
How did I swim in the stories
And emerge with a parched skin?
I am closing my soul to every word
Hosting parties for them as guests
I am not the modern living
Nor the past undead.
I think I’m dying
My smiling face in the polaroid
That I left behind in your heart
Is losing its colours and I
Am out of focus
I multiplied my two arms
Into thousands
Hand-in-hand like a mesh
The thatched wall of blood and flesh
Is crumbling and
I’m scattered all over
How do I protect you now?
Your lips have forgotten to sting
At the strike of my name
Oh how easily now
They’re just vowels and consonants
I think I have indeed
Begun to end.
Bury me when the sun finally sets
I’ll leave the rope of my long hair
For you
Not as a reminder to forget
But to secure the ones who come next spring
Bury me now
Bury me
So that I can bury you well.
Monsoon breeds rainy eves
Outside I hear, raindrops scream
Like lovers with fiery passion
With almost a violent motion
They rush to kiss the earth.
Their watery bodies
Shaped like exclamation marks
Strike the ground.
There’s no other sound
I’d rather listen to.
Oh how I enjoy
To drown my thoughts
More often than not
With steady noise.
Hit me with the rain
Do away with words
I’m so tired of your questions
Knocking on my door
Over and over again
Drench me in rain!
My murky mind is paused
Oh, I am so lost.
I don’t know what it is to be a daughter
They say that blood runs thicker than water
But why is it that I feel no ties?
I look at my mother and I see it in her eyes
The pure, unconditional love she bears
I know ‘motherhood’ has been glorified for years
Their sacrifices becoming not a choice but a consequence.
Yet unmistakably I’ve seen love in her, hence
Her love must make me a daughter?
There have been days when I have thought her
Love for me was misplaced, a mistake
Because despite my desire to reciprocate
I’ve let my heart be an impassive stone
Despite her love, I have felt alone.
My father does listen to what I have to say
But smiles at my concerns, at the end of the day
I’m not the older son whose advice holds sway
And not until my brother had to move away
Did I become my father’s right hand
Despite a daughter, (almost) a dependable young ‘man’.
I was twelve when one day I served him tea
Without being asked to, and he
Smiled sweetly and said “It’s great
You’re finally learning how a daughter should behave.”
What it is to be a daughter I don’t know yet
I’m putting together pieces from the society’s set
Of rules and do’s and don’ts I can find
So that one day I can have my peace of mind.
mimimusing 