Tag: city

Daughter

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I don’t know what it is to be a daughter
They say that blood runs thicker than water
But why is it that I feel no ties?
I look at my mother and I see it in her eyes
The pure, unconditional love she bears
I know ‘motherhood’ has been glorified for years
Their sacrifices becoming not a choice but a consequence.
Yet unmistakably I’ve seen love in her, hence
Her love must make me a daughter?
There have been days when I have thought her
Love for me was misplaced, a mistake
Because despite my desire to reciprocate
I’ve let my heart be an impassive stone
Despite her love, I have felt alone.
My father does listen to what I have to say
But smiles at my concerns, at the end of the day
I’m not the older son whose advice holds sway
And not until my brother had to move away
Did I become my father’s right hand
Despite a daughter, (almost) a dependable young ‘man’.
I was twelve when one day I served him tea
Without being asked to, and he
Smiled sweetly and said “It’s great
You’re finally learning how a daughter should behave.”
What it is to be a daughter I don’t know yet
I’m putting together pieces from the society’s set
Of rules and do’s and don’ts I can find
So that one day I can have my peace of mind.

Muse unknown

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I see you but I know you not
Yet I find you in my thoughts
Your lotus eyes look so surprised
Every time they lock with mine.

I strike a pose of nonchalance
While I’d really like some chance
To talk to you, to know you more
To steal a glimpse into your soul.

Do you see me as I see you?
Would you speak, if I wanted to?
I guess I shall never know
You’ll always be my Muse unknown.

Nobody told me how

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Nobody told me how to look up
From the road filled with grey, Stretching and stretching into eternity
And look into the world
Into
People.
Sheer crowds of them
Moving in a steady fast pace

I lock my eyes with a man and my heart leaps
Not in joy,
There are no butterflies in my stomach
No love in my heart
My heart leaps like I’d like to leap into an abyss.
The glance of the man
Lasts only for a fraction of a second
He looks away
And I start looking at myself
What did he see?
That fraction of a second costs me a lifetime
Of mapping my body, my gestures, my posture
Measuring what I am and what I should be
Measuring to fit in
But sticking out like a sore thumb.

Nobody told me how to look straight
Into the mirror
And not want to be someone else.
I resist the urge to shatter it into pieces
The glass is spotless and devoid of cracks
I am not
No one is.

I lock my eyes with myself
I travel back in time to all the promises I had made
Pointing fingers at the mirror
Pep-talk for the self.
The mirror stays at the same place
Neither have I gone any further
Only the years have gone by.
The one standing on the other side calls me a liar and a cheat
I admit defeat
And put out the lights.

Nobody told me how to look down
Into the screen
And not compare myself to every standard set.
Scrolling up and down
Sighs of despair and unfulfillment
Oh the disparity.

I lock my eyes with the girl on the screen
With eyes as blue as the times when I’m feeling down
Figure as enchanting as non-existence is to me
Skin as smooth as the paper I accidentally cut my fingertip with
Smile as bright as sun on a scorching summer day.
Even while I fight the Euro-centric bias
Perpetuated in our minds
I wonder why some get to be so perfect
And more importantly,
Why some get to decide what’s perfect.

Nobody told me how to look inside
Get out of my head
And get over myself.

Small talk

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“How was your day?”
.
.
In the mornings
When my mother starts her day in the kitchen
And my father looks for the newspaper
All I want is an excuse.

An excuse to pause the day, even before it has begun.

“Halt!” I say to Mr.Time.
Mr.Time wears a suit and a tie
With glasses as thick as icecubes
Perched on his rigid nose.
He slaps me hard and shouts like a war general
“Yes,Sir!”
I come back to my senses.

The day goes on and on and on
Like a thriller movie in slow motion,
Devoid of background music.
Deja vu
Every moment a facsimile of some other one.

There’s a cadence to monotony
If you have the ear for it.
Sometimes I do, don’t you too?

Before long, I get lost
In other worlds freshly manufactured
Where facts don’t matter,
Mr.Time is banned,
And I am free.

But I’m no God, no Creator Almighty
My thinly framed bubbles of thoughts
Fade away like half-remembered memories
Oh so quickly
Poof! And I’m back again.
Nothing makes sense yet, but at least
I’m back to my senses.

Ringing voices vibrate in my ears
Boys grinning with their mouths wide open
Girls leaning onto each other
Tearing up into giggles.
The dusky sky and the dazzling streetlights
Coexist with different ideals of beauty
I keep my eyes open
For every sight.

We call it a day.
I make my peace with Mr.Time
He smiles at me like a benevolent captor
I smile back.
.
.
“My day was great, how was yours?”

City

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Let’s get lost in the city.
We can’t count the stars
Because the smoky clouds have won.
We have lost-
Ourselves
But not our dreams, not yet.
Your eyes have all the stars I need
My dreams are all yours,
Let’s paint our passions together
Into a pretty rainbow
And the smog will be lifted.

The city is sometimes so grey
Straight lines,
Boxes…
Traps?
The skyline is mapped out in sharp angles
The round sunset is such a sight.
Let’s count the people,
How they speed up their lives.
Find leisure in a city dweller’s paradise.
No one seems to remember their dreams,
The dreams that drove them here.
Running for life, they run away,
Round and round in circles.
The watchful city smirks.

Exhausting landscapes and construction sites
Grow, grow, grow
Metropolitan giant,
Grow but don’t eat up our dreams.
I won’t look at the shabby alleys
The slums we pretend don’t exist
I swear I’ll gaze at the palacial malls
And forget the flaws of the city.

I was born here
I know how a city crushes someone’s hopes
While nurturing another’s.

Let’s get lost in this city again
Sacrificing our bodies and souls
To the urban gods
And maybe one day
The city will listen to us,
The city will care,
Embrace,
Love,
And the city will be all ours.