Nobody told me how to look up
From the road filled with grey, Stretching and stretching into eternity
And look into the world
Into
People.
Sheer crowds of them
Moving in a steady fast pace
I lock my eyes with a man and my heart leaps
Not in joy,
There are no butterflies in my stomach
No love in my heart
My heart leaps like I’d like to leap into an abyss.
The glance of the man
Lasts only for a fraction of a second
He looks away
And I start looking at myself
What did he see?
That fraction of a second costs me a lifetime
Of mapping my body, my gestures, my posture
Measuring what I am and what I should be
Measuring to fit in
But sticking out like a sore thumb.
Nobody told me how to look straight
Into the mirror
And not want to be someone else.
I resist the urge to shatter it into pieces
The glass is spotless and devoid of cracks
I am not
No one is.
I lock my eyes with myself
I travel back in time to all the promises I had made
Pointing fingers at the mirror
Pep-talk for the self.
The mirror stays at the same place
Neither have I gone any further
Only the years have gone by.
The one standing on the other side calls me a liar and a cheat
I admit defeat
And put out the lights.
Nobody told me how to look down
Into the screen
And not compare myself to every standard set.
Scrolling up and down
Sighs of despair and unfulfillment
Oh the disparity.
I lock my eyes with the girl on the screen
With eyes as blue as the times when I’m feeling down
Figure as enchanting as non-existence is to me
Skin as smooth as the paper I accidentally cut my fingertip with
Smile as bright as sun on a scorching summer day.
Even while I fight the Euro-centric bias
Perpetuated in our minds
I wonder why some get to be so perfect
And more importantly,
Why some get to decide what’s perfect.
Nobody told me how to look inside
Get out of my head
And get over myself.
mimimusing 