The sand bag of my body Leaks through tears on the sides When I cry at night Stone chips rest on my chest They collect one by one Clink, clink, clink Seconds tick inside aloud
My sack is a shroud That I sewed for myself Threads made out of Agonising hate I’m cemented to the floor, I need some help I want to get back up.
Should I wait for the bulldozer to arrive On some time even gloomier than this? I’m perhaps already laughing at myself On the other side of the pain In moments of bliss and disbelief. I don’t need help, please.
Monsoon breeds rainy eves Outside I hear, raindrops scream Like lovers with fiery passion With almost a violent motion They rush to kiss the earth. Their watery bodies Shaped like exclamation marks Strike the ground.
There’s no other sound I’d rather listen to. Oh how I enjoy To drown my thoughts More often than not With steady noise.
Hit me with the rain Do away with words I’m so tired of your questions Knocking on my door Over and over again Drench me in rain!
When lockdown ends The flowers that have grown on my bedcover Will crawl back into their still shapes The grey floor that has stretched into miles Will squeeze back into the 10×10 room The hours that have become endless Will trap themselves inside the watch When lockdown ends I’ll come out of a Dali painting
And I’ll ask (perhaps in vain) Am I still the same? My mind tends to forget the worst She keeps me away from my own ghosts When lockdown ends Will it make sense, if I find That in the corners of my mind Greyish blue patches of memory have disappeared Forgetfulness spreading like fungus on old bread Where did the time go? Where did I? Where am I?
I might go round in circles When the lockdown ends Will I be able to make amends To those who I might have lost Might have crossed Out from my life When I perhaps dissolved in my endless room It is the season of doom, after all.
I don’t know what it is to be a daughter They say that blood runs thicker than water But why is it that I feel no ties? I look at my mother and I see it in her eyes The pure, unconditional love she bears I know ‘motherhood’ has been glorified for years Their sacrifices becoming not a choice but a consequence. Yet unmistakably I’ve seen love in her, hence Her love must make me a daughter? There have been days when I have thought her Love for me was misplaced, a mistake Because despite my desire to reciprocate I’ve let my heart be an impassive stone Despite her love, I have felt alone. My father does listen to what I have to say But smiles at my concerns, at the end of the day I’m not the older son whose advice holds sway And not until my brother had to move away Did I become my father’s right hand Despite a daughter, (almost) a dependable young ‘man’. I was twelve when one day I served him tea Without being asked to, and he Smiled sweetly and said “It’s great You’re finally learning how a daughter should behave.” What it is to be a daughter I don’t know yet I’m putting together pieces from the society’s set Of rules and do’s and don’ts I can find So that one day I can have my peace of mind.
There’s nothing new under the sun There’s nothing new about my pain, longing, love Nor in my desire to be unique. There’s nothing new in my poem, When I say I’ve been blue to have missed you Red to have kissed you Black to have forgotten you and myself I’m only rewording what I’ve said Maybe a hundred years ago, Even a thousand, who knows? The gnawing hunger in my mind To compose the poem to end all poems To create it all and consume it all- Is a spectacular piece of comic nonsense I laugh, louder and louder till my lungs bitterly burst And I’m finally empty again- A quill with no ink A blank word file A waste of time.
I’m well aware of the stupidity of ‘falling in love’
Text, talk, date and mutual disappointments-
We’ve all been there, done that.
This time, let’s go all the long way to forever
I’m tired of having to stitch my heart again on my sleeves, love,
I’m too tired to mope around and weep,
Look at my eyes while I ask with a smile,
Will you be mine to keep?
If you wish so
I’ll take a break from my prosaic presence.
Let me whisper into your ears-
Oh my dear, you’re a sacred dream
The only God at my altar, my only King,
The strength of your ardent soul’s embrace
Exhilarates me in unspeakable ways.
Your smouldering eyes beckon me to stare
We look deep in our hearts, and our souls are laid bare.
Roses bloom as our fingers intertwine,
I become yours and you become mine-
Or, wait, are you too smart for my art?
Or too broken perhaps.
Sweet words sound soothing,
But I know too well, don't I?
How swiftly they lose their sweetness
And turn into twisted jokes,
Reverberating in the empty chambers of the heart at 3 a.m.
When I end up inevitably alone
When the darkness is quiet, and everyone’s long gone
Only the moon shining down on me through the window
Softly caressing me and my pain.
So, I ask again,
Before I tie up my heart and lock it to sleep,
Will you love me whole,
Will you be mine to keep?
Nobody told me how to look up From the road filled with grey, Stretching and stretching into eternity And look into the world Into People. Sheer crowds of them Moving in a steady fast pace
I lock my eyes with a man and my heart leaps Not in joy, There are no butterflies in my stomach No love in my heart My heart leaps like I’d like to leap into an abyss. The glance of the man Lasts only for a fraction of a second He looks away And I start looking at myself What did he see? That fraction of a second costs me a lifetime Of mapping my body, my gestures, my posture Measuring what I am and what I should be Measuring to fit in But sticking out like a sore thumb.
Nobody told me how to look straight Into the mirror And not want to be someone else. I resist the urge to shatter it into pieces The glass is spotless and devoid of cracks I am not No one is.
I lock my eyes with myself I travel back in time to all the promises I had made Pointing fingers at the mirror Pep-talk for the self. The mirror stays at the same place Neither have I gone any further Only the years have gone by. The one standing on the other side calls me a liar and a cheat I admit defeat And put out the lights.
Nobody told me how to look down Into the screen And not compare myself to every standard set. Scrolling up and down Sighs of despair and unfulfillment Oh the disparity.
I lock my eyes with the girl on the screen With eyes as blue as the times when I’m feeling down Figure as enchanting as non-existence is to me Skin as smooth as the paper I accidentally cut my fingertip with Smile as bright as sun on a scorching summer day. Even while I fight the Euro-centric bias Perpetuated in our minds I wonder why some get to be so perfect And more importantly, Why some get to decide what’s perfect.
Nobody told me how to look inside Get out of my head And get over myself.
Lose yourself To the winding roads under the foggy skies Where the mountain kisses the sun, The trees flirt with the wind And the pebbles fall in love with the flowers Not to be loved in return;
Lose yourself To the city And it’s overlapping streets, lanes, alleys Houses cuddling together Bricks and cement infused in love Slender skyscrapers trying to be mountains But never stealing a kiss from the sun As the pollution brews smoke in the sky;
Lose yourself To the pages That can take you anywhere Anytime Where you become the lover and the beloved The hero and the villain Where you can live a thousand lives By a magic called language;
Lose yourself To music Where you can feel a thousand emotions And know how the pebble felt when the daisy died in its arms Or how a hero dreams A villain lives A lover cries A human feels;
Lose yourself To me Or I’m afraid I’ll lose myself To you.
mimimusing 