I am looking for opulence
The tags of success
Houses, cars, and a bank balance heavier than a grieving heart
Looking for all of it
Of course, with my eyes shut
How pretty it feels
To be a careerist woman
The glossy air of perfumed professionalism
No more the stench of burnt rice and messy lentil soup
How else to be equal to man?
I haven’t got a plan yet
(God forbid someone finds me out)
Without a gold-aimed focus, what will I be?
Just a girl waiting for the shehnai
A gold-digger whose housework fails to fall under GDP
To be looked down upon contemporaries
To be ruled over by the smug elders
There’s no room to aim for minor roles
We should only look for big things
Superimpose our sight with the really feminist aspirations
No more petty positions
You can be Lady Macbeth
Let your ambition kill you
But never the reverse
Of course, I’m still thinking
And looking
With my eyes shut
Padma, Qayanat, Lakshmi and Sheila
Have all the doors already shut to them
While I bicker in my cocooned metropolis
While I compare my feminisms
While I waste my words on them and myself
So before I open my eyes
To inevitably jump into the rat race
Running to be equal
To finally be a modern adult
A modern Indian woman,
Let me for one last time
Dream of smallness
Where I travel throughout the land
Settle anywhere, work anyhow
Just enough to keep alive
Free as a bird
Without any man or an elder snatching away my wings
Terrorizing my honour;
Free as rippling wind
Strong enough to turn into a storm anytime I choose
A wishful wanderer let loose
Let me dream of simplicity
Let me be.
She was singing because she lost her mother
I was listening but I did not cry.
Her song gave me a perverted joy
As I had something she didn’t
I pitied her as night fell
She went home to rest;
We met again the next day and she smiled at the men
How can she smile, I wondered
How can she smile when I can’t
Even though I have my mother
And a family ten times larger
And a house far more decked with ornamental books?
It is wrong for you to smile
I wanted to say
But instead I cried alone when night fell and she went home to rest;
I wanted to embrace my mother
Tell her how delicious the curry was,
Instead I felt guilt churning in my gut
For that one moment of blasphemous joy I had felt
When she had sung the sad song of loss
Forgive me, friend
God bless your mother’s spirits
Forgive me, mother,
For creating absences and pain
Forgive me
So I can forgive myself.
I like looking at my half-lit face A vapid reflection on the bookshelf glass I see the knowledge gained So that some knowledge is lost Outside my window I can reach out I’ll almost touch the blank wall But it doesn’t reflect me Not even a half-frown or a straight smile.
To the poets who can sing of stories In the breath of history I am all ears in appreciation But where am I in the conquered wombs And the raging warriors Where am I in the forests of civilisation How did I swim in the stories And emerge with a parched skin?
I am closing my soul to every word Hosting parties for them as guests I am not the modern living Nor the past undead.
Sometimes I stop thinking
And paint myself into a blank wall
People who run into me
Leave behind a taste of their minds,
Their greasy forehead impressions.
I'm standing still
My blank face changes colours
A perfect background for any of you
I will be the poker face in all your pictures
Calm, quiet and free,
I can't move at all
But I can hear your songs
And I don't want to dance
I'm listening to your stories
How they've ended and begun.
If I grow weary of repose
I will start to flow
I'll loosen into clear water and ripple with ease
Maybe I'll occupy your minds,
And the stories I gathered
Will turn to sand-stones.
Flip me a coin, Fate, and let me know
Should I stay, or should I go?
The day passes you by
Like a cat strolling on a wall
The bricks inside crumble with time
As you watch her with
The corner of your eye
You look at your palms
The creases and folds and fine lines
Roadmaps to your dreams
You think you could cup the world inside them
If only you could begin
A cloud wipes the sun from the room
You lie flat on the bed
Eyes shot up to the limit of the sky
But the roof is thatched
With the straws of dread
You could have seen the sky
You could have been the stars
Yet the day will pass you by
Because you didn’t start.
Meet me in your gaze
As I laze around in your world
Read me a happy tale.
I know you'll spread
Slippery smiles on my face
I'll run my fingers
Through your stubborn hair.
Cover me in soft silence
When the noise pours in,
I'll sing for your ears
And yours alone
Hold my hand even if I fumble
Let me see the sunset
Become an ocean in your eyes.
Let us carve a new world
Of our very own.
Let us be a home.
I went for a walk yesterday. The evening was a blue blanket Draped around my skin I walked into a dream. My hair grew into a bush of roses The red of their joy Splashed scarlet upon my cheeks. I checked for thorns, My fingers returned without a prick. Oh, the air was so sweet Like a child’s candy daze Sticking to my face like a warm embrace.
Drops of light fell like leaves on my path I stepped on them, unthinking, A fraction of a moment later I held my breath, afraid, Did I bring back the dark? It took me by surprise, when the little pools of light Jingled under my feet, Flaring through my form like soft thunder. Every step staged a firework show.
I wish I had nowhere else to go But the sunset had begun. I had to return. As I turned to retrace my steps I was almost about to wake, When I heard my dream speak, “I know you have miles And miles to go before you sleep, But don’t you forget, if you don’t pause to dream Your eyes will see a solitary street When there are thousands not taken. Goodbye for now, I bid you adieu, I wish your dreams May all come true.”
Don't burst my bubble
Let me glow
Let the spring of my feet
Flow of my speech
Girth of my grin
Be intact
Let me do a happy act
Let me look at the sun
And everything it fathers
The red flowers
The green leaves
The warm blue sky
The innocent hours
Let me love you and her
Cocooned together
Let the springs of your feet
Flows of your speeches
Girths of your grins
Engender mine
Don't burst my bubble
While I can still
Reflect your shine.
I'll be fine.
It's strange how the night is
Walking to the sun
It's strange how it's ending
Before it has begun
The stars, they are guiding
The blue, lonely night
But I cannot find him
And I'm not alright
The sliding alleys
Sleep with the trees
The soft snoring leaves
Sing their lullabies
The lamps, they all flicker
Dreaming of the sun
And oh, how it has ended
Before it has begun.
In the heart of the city I want to see you-
You and I
Separated by a vast road,
Cars speeding faster than thoughts
Sound reflecting from every surface-
All will turn into blurred lines and white noise
When we lock our eyes.
You'll know who I am.
We have never spoken, no,
Not in this world
But I remember you from the ones before.
In each of them
I'd written songs and ballads for you
Cried for your love
Loved in your name
And you have loved me too.
But parallels never meet
Neither did we.
All I ask is for you to
Meet me halfway there.
Even if it's impossible
Even if it's madness
Let us dare.
