She was singing because she lost her mother
I was listening but I did not cry.
Her song gave me a perverted joy
As I had something she didn’t
I pitied her as night fell
She went home to rest;
We met again the next day and she smiled at the men
How can she smile, I wondered
How can she smile when I can’t
Even though I have my mother
And a family ten times larger
And a house far more decked with ornamental books?
It is wrong for you to smile
I wanted to say
But instead I cried alone when night fell and she went home to rest;
I wanted to embrace my mother
Tell her how delicious the curry was,
Instead I felt guilt churning in my gut
For that one moment of blasphemous joy I had felt
When she had sung the sad song of loss
Forgive me, friend
God bless your mother’s spirits
Forgive me, mother,
For creating absences and pain
Forgive me
So I can forgive myself.
mimimusing 