I gaze at a man who never looks at me
An amused grin hanging over his thin lips
(Like a curtain I’m supposed to uncover)
I lie down on the grass, counting my piecemeal joys
Wondering if the day is over
Sighing, nodding, humming a tune
Waiting for my sacred moon
He pays no attention while he smokes rings into the
air
I wish he were a gentleman with flowers
He doesn’t look at me, yet
Life is so unfair
I’m sure he’s up to something
He lectures at the empty sun but I catch his shy breath
I look at him, for hours on end
A nasty tiktok song stuck in my goddamn brain
How long will it take for him
To kiss me in the dusk?
Before it’s too late, I might have to ask
What did you mean when you hugged her
What do you mean when you hold my hands?
Look at me, face my eyes
Or I’ll leave to look at another man.
Before the month end meets another mouth
Speak the unspoken
The sky was too blue so I couldn’t say it
And you didn’t mean it
What’s the difference between see you
And goodbye?
I hugged a sweater and curled up in it
Some warmths are trees, deciduous
If their arms contract some day, they spring back
Outstretched
Loves that might wane but never disappear
If nothing, you can always plant dreams
Evergreen, forever blooming
Enough with nature and its metaphors
You must be bored
Like I am.
I’m catching up with my words
Before the month end meets another mouth
And they spill over, too soonWe like to repeat ourselves, after all
My city has no snowflakes so I make do with tears
I gulp down the past because the month will end
The year too, so funny.
Nights crawl around me, begging me in hushed tones
Join the end, it is near
The future is too far away!
But I know it’s only the cold
I shut my eyes and scold them to sleep
Achieving peace needs such violence, so funny.
At dawn I’m up again chiming words
Dragging the end of a chewing gum until it’s dry
And there are no tears to gulp down
Only white, fresh snowflakes around the bright greentree
Pink flowers
Joy
Inside my dream garden
I know even you are tempted to join me
We will wave farewell soon
To meet new ends which must begin
Should I say goodbye
Or
...until we meet again?
It was only a dream You had only stopped once A glance that asked, are you alright? I could've stopped at no But I spoke for ten minutes straight Words gushing out of my lips Making them busy To forget that I can't kiss you, yet A smile danced on your face My complaints amused you, didn't they? If it were a different city afternoon A different sky A different room and a different dress I would've been angry At a man laughing at a rambling woman Instead I fell in love How did I die for an insolent grin? You made it worse A light touch of your brown fingers On my restless hands You tried to stop me but you only made me race I can't forget your face I want to chew your brain alive I want to wipe off your smirk with my lipstick I want to grab your hair and shake you until you love me back But it was only a dream, I promise, And if you ask me if I'm alright What can I do but say yes and smile?
As the nights grow cold I plunge myself into my narcissistic depths It's easier than losing grip on my heart And giving it to you I love myself harder to unsee your longing for me I relish my pain and pleasure of solitude Face to face with a mirror, I shine. But over my shoulder you stand tall With a hole in your heart so big it daunts me With a love so desperate I cower like a coward I am too small for you My kisses cannot fix your eyebrows bent in gloom So I unsee you I unfeel your shadow resting on my back I unknow you and focus on myself Narcissism, my shield of arms, Covers my lonely heart as the nights grow cold I stifle tears, I watch you go.
How can I hate myself When I smell the city in dusk The green trees Naive nobodies stuck in jams I lay my feet to sleep My ears clouded with music I close my eyes and rivers ripple Through my toes Through my bones My ribs are open in my dream
I keep speaking of dreams But I cannot hate the reality It’s cruel but it made me And I cannot hate myself anymore Without a reality, there’d be no dreams No stories, no songs, no lore I make peace with the real Even if it’s not ideal
The wind whispers in my ear It knocks against my window The trees nod in agreement
I keep to myself
The sun shines warm and red Blows me a kiss Before it’s about to set I sweat and I glow
I keep to myself
The neighborhood bursts into sounds Everyday noises turning to music The birds, the leaves Clinking of utensils I hum my favourite tunes
I keep to myself
The world moves and dances in my heart I cannot keep to myself You are moving and dancing in my heart I cannot keep to myself I will reach you As you have reached me I will love you As you have loved me
We will keep to ourselves
We’ll weave a little tale for us Or write a whole omnibus
Give me a melody, I'll find the words to sing
I'm not giving up hope
I'm just a nobody, life's not a tragedy
And I'm not just a joke
I'm walking alone, nowhere to go
I'm working but I have no goals
Is this life, is this who I am?
Is this fine, or a useless sham?
A useless sham!
Take me to the moon, I'm not feeling good
The city is crowded dust
I'll be an open book, you can take a look
We can stare at the stars
Is this life, is this who I am?
Is this fine, or a useless sham?
A useless sham!
I'm escaping all these blues
And I will be taking you, too
We'll play songs old and new
And we'll dance on the moon, ooh
Even if life's a useless sham
I will be who I am
And you will be you!
I’m lying through my teeth You think that I need you I want you close to me It’s because I need to Watch what you say, Hear when you’re speaking I know yesterday You said that you hate me
Are you not my friend? But you talk behind my back I know I’m not flawless, There are virtues I lack But now you’re my enemy I’d like to make more! I will be thriving And I’ll keep you close.
What if I said I hate your poems
And I don’t believe you’re dark and alluring
Only dull
Grinding against the gurgling crowd
Mustering silence to stand out
What if I said you’re only quiet
Because you have nothing to say?
You say I’m unique
But I don’t think I am, nor are you
You are so obsessed with the many and the few...
Take pictures when you want, woman!
Post them on the screens
Wear lipstick or pink;
Your disgust at anything remotely mainstream
Makes me want to shout
What if I said I hate you now
I wished we had shared more meaning
What if I said I don’t care about
Your vain discourses, boring!
Live in your bubble
I’m off to watch sunsets alone
Go rule an empty nation
Small in your throne.
The dream-catcher dangles in my bedroom
It hangs heavy with my bloodmetal burdens
It isn’t supposed to catch the bad ones, I sigh.
The windows usher in a breeze and I let my hair down
My sweat is cooled and my sticky tears are dried
New nightmares start crawling up my unkempt mind
A lizard munches on a bug on the wall
I’ve lost all taste
There’s an ocean parting me and him
All my words have gone to waste
The dream-catcher dangles in my bedroom
I break it, I throw it away;
I wait for the moon to shine,
Weaving a song for another time.
I feel earthy and soft
In a world of concrete rocks
Coloured in apathetic gloom;
Dreams break free inside my room
Not all lives must have meanings
Some are spent foolishly dreaming
Or in nightmares uninvited
I don’t expect the ocean to dry
I’d rather paste on a plastic smile
I don’t know what I am becoming.
