Tag: writing

Rain

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I hate it
When the breeze is pregnant with rain
My nostrils taking in
The maddening petrichor
And suddenly my head
Which I always hold high
Needs to rest on someone’s shoulders.

Monsoons get you drunk
Even the dry ones
Where you spend hours thinking about the rain
Complaining about the humid stifling
And even a slight shower of rain
Can make your mind long for a dance.

Do the water drops in the downpour
Attract my tears?
A cohesive force?
I still don’t know
How the raindrops streaming down the window pane
Bring teardrops to my eyes.

Raindrops stream down the barren land of skin.

The nature outside invokes the nature inside me
The stream flows
To where
To whom
Who knows.

I hate it
When nature sings her sad song
And dances to its spitter spatter beats
And all I can be
Is a needy little fool.

Ablaze

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I’m burning
The red fire inside the core of my body
Rises with its million tongues
The veil of smoke makes my silhouette a blur
I am burning
And I don’t know how to stop.

Put out the fire!
It’s an unholy disaster
I am an unholy disaster
I can’t stop the fire, Baba,
I tried bathing in the Ganges
Almost drowned in my own tears-
My rotten flesh still charrs.

Why am I burning, Ma?
Was I not a good girl?
Appropriate is my nickname
At least in society, I am
Miss Prim and Proper.
I know I show my teeth to you, Ma
I don’t know who else I can turn to.
I really am sorry.
Is that why I burn?

I have the need to please them all
Be cool
Don’t be that all-hating girl
Finding problems with the world
Especially when you can do nothing about it.
Especially when you believed you could.
Ignorance is bliss
Don’t set your expectations so high
That they almost touch the danger sign of ‘Ideal’.
Ideal isn’t real
The red flags aren’t either, convince yourself.
Bury your head in your rabbit hole
Maybe you’ll extinguish those deadly flames.

Who does those flames want to touch?
Why are they so angry?
There are fresh eyes opening inside my soul
They see too much
I don’t know how to shut them
The rabbit hole is too far away now.
Cynic turned misanthrope?
I refuse to be that one.
There is good, I have seen it.
I have, I must remember that.

I yell and scream at my own burning self
Until the fire calms down.

I’m numb now, the blaze is over.
Looking aimlessly at the city’s skeleton
I distance myself as far as I can.
Survival needs escape.
I don’t know who’s there with me,
But I can still feel
The flicker that lives on
In my eyes.
All that the flicker needs
Is a trigger
And I’ll be ablaze again.
I don’t know how to stop.

Perfection

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Freeing up my heart and soul
I drink joy from your eyes
Flying past my darken days
I soar across the skies.

I’ve met you in all my dreams
We’ve held our hearts as one
You are me, I am you
Our days have just begun.

Don’t lose hope, I love you,
You’re the perfect me
I’ve searched for you everywhere
You have set me free.

Mirrors on the wall don’t know
Perfection is false
Stop looking for ideal selves.
We’re human beings, not dolls.

I don’t look for you anymore
I now know I am you
Imperfection is the perfect choice
The rest is all untrue.

City

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Let’s get lost in the city.
We can’t count the stars
Because the smoky clouds have won.
We have lost-
Ourselves
But not our dreams, not yet.
Your eyes have all the stars I need
My dreams are all yours,
Let’s paint our passions together
Into a pretty rainbow
And the smog will be lifted.

The city is sometimes so grey
Straight lines,
Boxes…
Traps?
The skyline is mapped out in sharp angles
The round sunset is such a sight.
Let’s count the people,
How they speed up their lives.
Find leisure in a city dweller’s paradise.
No one seems to remember their dreams,
The dreams that drove them here.
Running for life, they run away,
Round and round in circles.
The watchful city smirks.

Exhausting landscapes and construction sites
Grow, grow, grow
Metropolitan giant,
Grow but don’t eat up our dreams.
I won’t look at the shabby alleys
The slums we pretend don’t exist
I swear I’ll gaze at the palacial malls
And forget the flaws of the city.

I was born here
I know how a city crushes someone’s hopes
While nurturing another’s.

Let’s get lost in this city again
Sacrificing our bodies and souls
To the urban gods
And maybe one day
The city will listen to us,
The city will care,
Embrace,
Love,
And the city will be all ours.

Music

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Stop the goddamn music
Just stop it.
No I don’t want to dance
My body rejects your happy beats
The lyrics don’t talk to me
Who are they made for?

My ears have been fed with generic
Western music
Bollywood
Bengali songs
And every time you play a song
My linguistic identities change.
Who the fuck am I?
In what language do I love?
Or exist?

English is too formal
A dress which I once borrowed for a day
And never returned.
Hindi is an ornament I bought for myself
Only worn on special occasions.
Bengali? It was always with me
Restricted reach, taken for granted
Nothing too special.

I’m sorry
It’s not your fault that
My ears are repulsed
By every tongue I know
Since I know not which one is mine.

They say
Learn the language of love
What the fuck is that, pray?
I’m sorry I’m angry
At myself, really
Confusion is choking me
That’s the only sound I hear.

Did you put on another song?

Thanks for holding my hand.
I used to be bored by instrumentals,
I never knew
That’s how music truly speaks.
Perhaps,
I don’t need a language anymore.

I wished I were like you

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I wished I were like you
Long haired, dreamy eyed
Graceful like a princess
Always smelling like a garden
Your chocolate complexion
Beckoning the sun to shine upon your skin.
I can look at you for hours
Would you mind?
No, you wouldn’t
You’re too kind to shun me.
Even though I offer bland company
You smile at my attempts to make you grin.

I wished I were like you
Your dewy face lighting up with glee
Always chirping like a little bird
Hopping in circles
Among your vast group of friends.
They adore you, and so do I,
Desperately wanting to be your chum.
Have a place for a boring mate?
I wish I could tell you
How stunning you looked
When you dyed your cropped hair blue.

I wished I were like you
A cool guy never losing his calm
Compassionate but funny
Tall, charming and goofy
Always entertaining your buddies
And stealing girls’ hearts.
I admire you
Your look of not-a-care-in-this-world
Careful not to brandish your deeds of help.
A true gentleman
A real friend.

I wished I were like you
Everyone knows your name
The gem of our college
Excelling in every sphere
How do you manage?
Guitar, basketball, debates
Even elocution and drama
You are everywhere, man.
It’s intimidating, honestly
But it must be great being you
A blessed amalgamation of virtues
You’re an example to follow,
My mother is proud that I am your classmate.

I wished I were like so many others
People I know
People I don’t
People I imagine.
Oh how I wished I were not me.

It’s different now,
Now that she has told me
She wished she were like me.
She, who I thought was the happiest soul,
The embodiment of perfection.

The grass is always greener on the other side.
You can’t escape yourself,
Because you aren’t meant to.

Fuck sad poets

ahonarc2 Comments

Fuck sad poets, you said,
Their whining asses
Always comparing teardrops to rain,
Forcing similes into clichés.
Fuck their dead old sorrow,
Their hollow-hearted love.
Suck it up, bitch,
Make things work
Don’t get fucked and cry after
Or worse, write sappy poetry
Inviting some more fellow fuckups
To celebrate melancholy
With words and wine.
Fuck sad poets, you said,
The world doesn’t need their gloom.

But darling
Why do I see you
Hiding sheets of paper,
Verses scribbled on them?
She broke your heart, didn’t she?
I can see the forlorn look in your eyes
Typical of the poets you despised.

Poets never created misery, my love,
The world was already full of it.
All they ever wanted
Was to
Set themselves free.

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