Tag: optimism

Revaluation

ahonarc2 Comments
Photo by Valentin Salja on Unsplash
If my memory was mapped with
Blood clots and muted screams
Would I be a patient, or a soldier?
If I were too tired 
To believe in dreams of victory
Should I march any further?

Angry tears facing the wall
I fall, I fall, I fall
Thudding my way down every night;
Rock bottoms and nondescript floors
Are so dangerously alike.

A part of me sings upbeat karaoke
Pauses for breath and asks me if I'm okay
(Forgive me the pun)
And I sing along, it's great
What's the use of wallowing in sadness?

If keeping away sorrow was enough
I'd still have a chance.
But you can't just dance the way
All your life. Aim! Aim!
Be on top of your game!
(I could rhyme this line with 'shame'
If I had it in me. Sorry.)

I am sorry, but perhaps I'm not.
The guilt for the absence of guilt I've got
Eats me inside when I imagine my life-
A cumbersome, crooked centipede of Time
Always ending up smashed into a fleshy patch
A huge footstep crashing down, down, down.

Or maybe I'll just be around
For pleasant winters and sultry summers
Gliding with peppy music
Perhaps I won't be sick.
I think I'll fight it.

Ablaze

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I’m burning
The red fire inside the core of my body
Rises with its million tongues
The veil of smoke makes my silhouette a blur
I am burning
And I don’t know how to stop.

Put out the fire!
It’s an unholy disaster
I am an unholy disaster
I can’t stop the fire, Baba,
I tried bathing in the Ganges
Almost drowned in my own tears-
My rotten flesh still charrs.

Why am I burning, Ma?
Was I not a good girl?
Appropriate is my nickname
At least in society, I am
Miss Prim and Proper.
I know I show my teeth to you, Ma
I don’t know who else I can turn to.
I really am sorry.
Is that why I burn?

I have the need to please them all
Be cool
Don’t be that all-hating girl
Finding problems with the world
Especially when you can do nothing about it.
Especially when you believed you could.
Ignorance is bliss
Don’t set your expectations so high
That they almost touch the danger sign of ‘Ideal’.
Ideal isn’t real
The red flags aren’t either, convince yourself.
Bury your head in your rabbit hole
Maybe you’ll extinguish those deadly flames.

Who does those flames want to touch?
Why are they so angry?
There are fresh eyes opening inside my soul
They see too much
I don’t know how to shut them
The rabbit hole is too far away now.
Cynic turned misanthrope?
I refuse to be that one.
There is good, I have seen it.
I have, I must remember that.

I yell and scream at my own burning self
Until the fire calms down.

I’m numb now, the blaze is over.
Looking aimlessly at the city’s skeleton
I distance myself as far as I can.
Survival needs escape.
I don’t know who’s there with me,
But I can still feel
The flicker that lives on
In my eyes.
All that the flicker needs
Is a trigger
And I’ll be ablaze again.
I don’t know how to stop.

Beauty

ahonarc1 Comment

A little girl with stars in her eyes
Believes her balloons will reach the sky,
And carry her wishes to the gods above.
She strains her tiny neck
To look at the vast space
A little worried if her balloons reached safely.
She still has 
Concrete faith in 
Gas balloons
Her eyes still sparkle with innocent joy.

The teenaged boy
Runs with his friends in the neighbourhood
Competing outside the syllabus
Competing for fun
Who can reach home the fastest?
Sweaty arms and sweaty legs,
Glistening,
Eyes too.
His only playtime after hours of coaching classes.

The tired youth in his office outfit 
His head heavy 
With work stress and the bike helmet
Finds a way home
The glaring traffic lights
Cannot shine as bright
As his wide grin, 
His wife embraces him
Home, sweet home.

Two lovers at the park
Reddened cheeks glowing in the shadows
Like bright graffiti in a dark alley,
Emanating energy and warmth.
Pure indulgence in the loveliest of sins,
Even the gorgeous moon is dimmed by their glamour.

Some days
I only see the beauty in this world.
It does not matter if I am a part of it
It does not matter whose beauty is supreme.
All that counts 
Is the brightness and the light.
Silly me,
I don’t want to blink, not even once
Lest it should all go away. 
Beauty, please stay.