ideal – mimimusing

I wish you weren't flimsy Like the newspaper bit I picked up and scrunched into a ball And threw away I wish I could kiss you and the stain would stay. Your words are mineral oildrops They perfume my hair And damage it I dig graves to look for suppleness and return with bare hands Why couldn't you be of soft clay? I'd sculpt every bit of you into a god Give you everything I can imagine I'd learn your favourite language and sing you songs If you were sincere I would never have let you forget me. You're not, And you don't even know. I wish you were everything you're not Can't you see I'm tired of looking for him? I kiss you and wish my lips were ash I love you and I keep coming back One day, one day you'll be him Won't you? I'll keep coming back Until I find him. For once. I write out my soul onto your ragged paper heart You give it away next morning to ten other women I write myself onto you again And again I kiss you for others to wipe it off You stay a stone statue with words too perfectly carved I stay a girl looking for love Until I find it I wait I see through you but I can't not stay.

I’m burning
The red fire inside the core of my body
Rises with its million tongues
The veil of smoke makes my silhouette a blur
I am burning
And I don’t know how to stop.

Put out the fire!
It’s an unholy disaster
I am an unholy disaster
I can’t stop the fire, Baba,
I tried bathing in the Ganges
Almost drowned in my own tears-
My rotten flesh still charrs.

Why am I burning, Ma?
Was I not a good girl?
Appropriate is my nickname
At least in society, I am
Miss Prim and Proper.
I know I show my teeth to you, Ma
I don’t know who else I can turn to.
I really am sorry.
Is that why I burn?

I have the need to please them all
Be cool
Don’t be that all-hating girl
Finding problems with the world
Especially when you can do nothing about it.
Especially when you believed you could.
Ignorance is bliss
Don’t set your expectations so high
That they almost touch the danger sign of ‘Ideal’.
Ideal isn’t real
The red flags aren’t either, convince yourself.
Bury your head in your rabbit hole
Maybe you’ll extinguish those deadly flames.

Who does those flames want to touch?
Why are they so angry?
There are fresh eyes opening inside my soul
They see too much
I don’t know how to shut them
The rabbit hole is too far away now.
Cynic turned misanthrope?
I refuse to be that one.
There is good, I have seen it.
I have, I must remember that.

I yell and scream at my own burning self
Until the fire calms down.

I’m numb now, the blaze is over.
Looking aimlessly at the city’s skeleton
I distance myself as far as I can.
Survival needs escape.
I don’t know who’s there with me,
But I can still feel
The flicker that lives on
In my eyes.
All that the flicker needs
Is a trigger
And I’ll be ablaze again.
I don’t know how to stop.

Tag: ideal

Flimsy

Ablaze