I wish you weren't flimsy
Like the newspaper bit I picked up and scrunched into a ball
And threw away
I wish I could kiss you and the stain would stay.
Your words are mineral oildrops
They perfume my hair
And damage it
I dig graves to look for suppleness and return with bare hands
Why couldn't you be of soft clay?
I'd sculpt every bit of you into a god
Give you everything I can imagine
I'd learn your favourite language and sing you songs
If you were sincere I would never have let you forget me.
You're not,
And you don't even know.
I wish you were everything you're not
Can't you see I'm tired of looking for him?
I kiss you and wish my lips were ash
I love you and I keep coming back
One day, one day you'll be him
Won't you?
I'll keep coming back
Until I find him. For once.
I write out my soul onto your ragged paper heart
You give it away next morning to ten other women
I write myself onto you again
And again
I kiss you for others to wipe it off
You stay a stone statue with words too perfectly carved
I stay a girl looking for love
Until I find it
I wait
I see through you but I can't not stay.
What is your problem?
He asks.
She looks at me in mourning
I feel the hurtful guilt churning
Is it my belly or my fate?
I say, I am so full of hate.
I have never loved any of you
Which girl doesn't love her own?
I have never loved, never will. I am not human
Like the rest of you
Like the most of you
I am dying like a star because my love ran out
Droplet by droplet
My laptop blinks. It's getting old
I am happy. It feels human, like a pet
My laptop talks back
You're not human, you're so full of hate
Where do I go with this black hole heart?
I die for love
I die again
My laptop mocks my static brain
Our visions get so blurred.
The pots and pans clank in the sink
I cover my eyes as they shout
I forget to shut my ears, so silly.
The TV is still muted, I think.
She sobs,
I saw through you as you saw through me
Darkness wobbling in a poisonous well
We jumped, shrieking
Our hearts were breaking
The sun cracked apart as we fell.
We've turned invisible now,
Our graves are murky, reflecting hate
Did you see through me as I saw through you?
Some things are best left to fate.
And I hear him growl,
I've loved you as best I could
Wouldn't you have done the same?
Did we not think this through, should we not have broken shells?
Time ties me down, I can't grow up
Alas, I have grown too much
We're stuck wishing we were free tomorrow.
How can we live in blackened earth?
I lift my eyelids, I've heard it all
The show goes on as the TV glows
I look for the remote, unmute it.
Perfect.
I really like the background song.
mimimusing 