She was singing because she lost her mother
I was listening but I did not cry.
Her song gave me a perverted joy
As I had something she didn’t
I pitied her as night fell
She went home to rest;
We met again the next day and she smiled at the men
How can she smile, I wondered
How can she smile when I can’t
Even though I have my mother
And a family ten times larger
And a house far more decked with ornamental books?
It is wrong for you to smile
I wanted to say
But instead I cried alone when night fell and she went home to rest;
I wanted to embrace my mother
Tell her how delicious the curry was,
Instead I felt guilt churning in my gut
For that one moment of blasphemous joy I had felt
When she had sung the sad song of loss
Forgive me, friend
God bless your mother’s spirits
Forgive me, mother,
For creating absences and pain
Forgive me
So I can forgive myself.
Sometimes I stop thinking
And paint myself into a blank wall
People who run into me
Leave behind a taste of their minds,
Their greasy forehead impressions.
I'm standing still
My blank face changes colours
A perfect background for any of you
I will be the poker face in all your pictures
Calm, quiet and free,
I can't move at all
But I can hear your songs
And I don't want to dance
I'm listening to your stories
How they've ended and begun.
If I grow weary of repose
I will start to flow
I'll loosen into clear water and ripple with ease
Maybe I'll occupy your minds,
And the stories I gathered
Will turn to sand-stones.
Flip me a coin, Fate, and let me know
Should I stay, or should I go?
The day passes you by
Like a cat strolling on a wall
The bricks inside crumble with time
As you watch her with
The corner of your eye
You look at your palms
The creases and folds and fine lines
Roadmaps to your dreams
You think you could cup the world inside them
If only you could begin
A cloud wipes the sun from the room
You lie flat on the bed
Eyes shot up to the limit of the sky
But the roof is thatched
With the straws of dread
You could have seen the sky
You could have been the stars
Yet the day will pass you by
Because you didn’t start.
I went for a walk yesterday. The evening was a blue blanket Draped around my skin I walked into a dream. My hair grew into a bush of roses The red of their joy Splashed scarlet upon my cheeks. I checked for thorns, My fingers returned without a prick. Oh, the air was so sweet Like a child’s candy daze Sticking to my face like a warm embrace.
Drops of light fell like leaves on my path I stepped on them, unthinking, A fraction of a moment later I held my breath, afraid, Did I bring back the dark? It took me by surprise, when the little pools of light Jingled under my feet, Flaring through my form like soft thunder. Every step staged a firework show.
I wish I had nowhere else to go But the sunset had begun. I had to return. As I turned to retrace my steps I was almost about to wake, When I heard my dream speak, “I know you have miles And miles to go before you sleep, But don’t you forget, if you don’t pause to dream Your eyes will see a solitary street When there are thousands not taken. Goodbye for now, I bid you adieu, I wish your dreams May all come true.”
The dead Shiuli tree stands like a grave
Mourning its unborn flowers.
I hated picking them up every morning
From our little backyard soil
During Durga Puja
The air hung heavy with the sweet scent
While ants crawled up my feet
Mosquitoes feasted on my flesh
But once my basket was full
I'd stare at their beauty
The little white flowers
Throbbing with their little saffron hearts
Sang of a time
Calmer and earthy
A time of faith in a goddess
With as many as ten hands
To defeat evil
A celebration danced with
Beats of the dhaak.
Now my hands are full
With questions and silences
I want a basket to hold
To rush through the new Puja magazine
To breathe in the fragrant breeze.
The flowers have dropped
Through the emptiness between my fingers
The colours have faded
Before my overworked eyes.
The storm took away the tree one night
And left me stranded
With the dead arms of a broken tree
Wailing for a hug;
Now I'm grieving something
I never thought I cared for.
Mellowing in memories of the past
I shut my eyes of today
I hope for nothing more.
In the heart of the city I want to see you-
You and I
Separated by a vast road,
Cars speeding faster than thoughts
Sound reflecting from every surface-
All will turn into blurred lines and white noise
When we lock our eyes.
You'll know who I am.
We have never spoken, no,
Not in this world
But I remember you from the ones before.
In each of them
I'd written songs and ballads for you
Cried for your love
Loved in your name
And you have loved me too.
But parallels never meet
Neither did we.
All I ask is for you to
Meet me halfway there.
Even if it's impossible
Even if it's madness
Let us dare.
I know my thoughts will roam about I’ve got to bring them home, but how? They’ll peep in through my neighbour’s door They’ll tell me what they have more
I’ll play a tug of war with the spies Reel them away from the magic-eyes I’m tired, tired, tired, tired My anxiety soaring higher
Frictionless thoughts will slide past me Rushing out with lightning speed I will throw my net but it is torn I am sick and I am worn out.
My thoughts are still Beyond my will Roaming about.
The broken hymns of our promises
Are crunching under our dead weights
The air we inhale is always so stale
The pit of chaos so insatiate
Hold my arm, my sisters, please
My rainbow hair is bleached and brittle
Wrap your kindness around my skin
Let your strength help prove my mettle
Our eyes unfocused onto a blank wall
Soft breaths heaving, we’ll lay still
Tomorrow’s so big, we’re so small
Won’t we stand? I hope we will.
Our strengths hardened by softness
A different resilience.
I hate that I love myself Even when I can’t. At me the looking glass gapes With a shadow as lifeless As the idol’s eyes in the temple Looking straight beyond me When I once used to pray
I hate that I look at the glass Harder and harder Trying to imagine myself into An aesthetic self A wise woman A smiling soul Bubbling with joy With a contagious smile
I hate that I make myself believe I need not be anyone else My reflection is flawed but never me Only the glass could be purer Oh I couldn’t be surer
But I hate that I don’t love myself As soon as my coerced conception Breaks into pieces The illusion shattering into shards of glass Piercing me everywhere And I’m back again
Stranded in the dark alley Sitting with my knees bent Drenching in the never ending rain.
My sadness is up for sale
Packaged in a skin of rage
Buy it for your lover, Ma’am.
Buy it for your children, Sir!
My sadness is a ghoul you’ll get
It’ll stick to the soft terrains
Of all the lovesick souls that you’ve met
They will all forever be chained
Forever and ever, to you.
Black hearts work better than black magic
I’m selling you my best ever trick
It’s an offer that you all must use
It’s my offer that you can’t refuse
I have let my sadness loose.
mimimusing 