I will preserve you like the sun preserves the brown in
my hair
May you need me like you do, forever
Sometimes you jar me into an unthinking sorrow
I doubt my heart, shrieking loud enough to pierce its
walls
When it unflowers and the veins are shed
You appear again, awaken from the dead,
Or perhaps from my very own self
I do not need to know
I hope you'll preserve me like a pearl inside a locket,
too
So that when my heart is rebuilt again
Maybe a little less red this time
I am still whole and soft like a mother's touch
You're still a home, a haven, a shrine
Even if I wander alone in fairs, concerts, cafés and
malls
Carve my way through dingy lanes
Or get lost inside humongous halls
I'll unload into you all my noise
And we can make music
Like we do,
Like we'll do.We'll be preserved in touches unshaken
Doors ajar, no tiptoeing around
Our calm rejoicing in silence and sound
We will keep it all
Life will go, as it goes on
We will go, as we must
Yet we can't leave so we will stay
Preserved in our love and trust.
Diamond wrinkles on her laugh-clad sweet face
I'd burn to ashes for her in the furnace
Keep me like a ring or a shoelace
It's all so much the same
How does she know what skin shakes me
Laughter crackling like a melody
A home that's lighting up under a pallid Christmas sky
It's gifted, how we know our wishes
Tragic when we can't fulfil them
Longing, stargazing, endless questions
"Why?"
She shakes her head, she loves me mostly
I can keep her like some poetry
She will go to dance
I smile and smile until my ribs crack
Sadness swirling down my long back
She leaves a forlorn man.
Loss is a four-letter word
So is hope (and love and shit)
Where am I going with this?
I was looking at a man sipping tea
It’s poetic, my life flashed past my eyes.
A slow but steady train
(Not really going against the grain)
Leaving off passengers
One
By
One.
Some of them waited for the stops
A few pulled the chain
Abrupt in their leave.
I think some of them are still on board.
Where am I going with them, and
Why are they going with me?
I must come home before dark
Before the lake spills over and the bridge crumbles
into stones
(The roads are never safe, anywhere, you know)
The man sips his tea
Maybe he’s thinking of his daughter back home
Who must have a train of her own.
Does she wander like me?
Does she say, life is a four-letter word
So she never has to talk about it?
I keep looking as he takes another sip.
1
She's shaking in her teenage tears
Life is waiting with its claws
I'm looking, it's not perverse really
Just breaking the fourth wall
Instant gratification grips us
Ten thousand kisses inside a group chat
But the kisses are so small
She's wondering where she can go wrong
Sifting crowds for lessons to learn from
It's scary and exciting,
She is meant to fall
I smirk at this, I'm such a cynic
It's so clichéd, not even thrilling
Keep crying, doll.
2
Where is the little man who fell in love with me?
I was stuck with him, playing the lover
Returning his kisses with my cold lips, barren
I couldn’t love him as long as I was sober
He didn’t complain once, not even a little.
I needed to be the silhouette woman
“She was too hard to keep”
I laughed (and then cried) when I left him,
When he said he needed me
Where are you, my little man?
With your songs and letters and eyes of sheep?
Here I am, a little woman (surprise)
But you have no more love to give.
I gaze at a man who never looks at me
An amused grin hanging over his thin lips
(Like a curtain I’m supposed to uncover)
I lie down on the grass, counting my piecemeal joys
Wondering if the day is over
Sighing, nodding, humming a tune
Waiting for my sacred moon
He pays no attention while he smokes rings into the
air
I wish he were a gentleman with flowers
He doesn’t look at me, yet
Life is so unfair
I’m sure he’s up to something
He lectures at the empty sun but I catch his shy breath
I look at him, for hours on end
A nasty tiktok song stuck in my goddamn brain
How long will it take for him
To kiss me in the dusk?
Before it’s too late, I might have to ask
What did you mean when you hugged her
What do you mean when you hold my hands?
Look at me, face my eyes
Or I’ll leave to look at another man.
Before the month end meets another mouth
Speak the unspoken
The sky was too blue so I couldn’t say it
And you didn’t mean it
What’s the difference between see you
And goodbye?
I hugged a sweater and curled up in it
Some warmths are trees, deciduous
If their arms contract some day, they spring back
Outstretched
Loves that might wane but never disappear
If nothing, you can always plant dreams
Evergreen, forever blooming
Enough with nature and its metaphors
You must be bored
Like I am.
I’m catching up with my words
Before the month end meets another mouth
And they spill over, too soonWe like to repeat ourselves, after all
My city has no snowflakes so I make do with tears
I gulp down the past because the month will end
The year too, so funny.
Nights crawl around me, begging me in hushed tones
Join the end, it is near
The future is too far away!
But I know it’s only the cold
I shut my eyes and scold them to sleep
Achieving peace needs such violence, so funny.
At dawn I’m up again chiming words
Dragging the end of a chewing gum until it’s dry
And there are no tears to gulp down
Only white, fresh snowflakes around the bright greentree
Pink flowers
Joy
Inside my dream garden
I know even you are tempted to join me
We will wave farewell soon
To meet new ends which must begin
Should I say goodbye
Or
...until we meet again?
How can I hate myself When I smell the city in dusk The green trees Naive nobodies stuck in jams I lay my feet to sleep My ears clouded with music I close my eyes and rivers ripple Through my toes Through my bones My ribs are open in my dream
I keep speaking of dreams But I cannot hate the reality It’s cruel but it made me And I cannot hate myself anymore Without a reality, there’d be no dreams No stories, no songs, no lore I make peace with the real Even if it’s not ideal
When the summer is over
I will be dying
I'm ready to be her
And I'll take a new name
I want to break off
But I'm still tied
I'm trying to be special
But I'm just an image
Of her
I am a princess
You wanted a queen
My wings are stunted
My attempts, too weak
Will you give me the time to grow
Or will I write poems, with nowhere to go?
Give me a melody, I'll find the words to sing
I'm not giving up hope
I'm just a nobody, life's not a tragedy
And I'm not just a joke
I'm walking alone, nowhere to go
I'm working but I have no goals
Is this life, is this who I am?
Is this fine, or a useless sham?
A useless sham!
Take me to the moon, I'm not feeling good
The city is crowded dust
I'll be an open book, you can take a look
We can stare at the stars
Is this life, is this who I am?
Is this fine, or a useless sham?
A useless sham!
I'm escaping all these blues
And I will be taking you, too
We'll play songs old and new
And we'll dance on the moon, ooh
Even if life's a useless sham
I will be who I am
And you will be you!
I’m lying through my teeth You think that I need you I want you close to me It’s because I need to Watch what you say, Hear when you’re speaking I know yesterday You said that you hate me
Are you not my friend? But you talk behind my back I know I’m not flawless, There are virtues I lack But now you’re my enemy I’d like to make more! I will be thriving And I’ll keep you close.
mimimusing 