mimimusing

Teacher

May 12, 2021 ahonarcLeave a comment

My childhood was inside books-
Fairy tales and detective stories;
Tonight when the city dies another death
I clutch at my laptop
I look up those books
But I can’t go back to my grandmother’s old apartment and get them

I can’t go back to
When I was not more than three feet high
When I felt pretty
And the green grass called me

It doesn’t, anymore
How strange it is that the grass loses voice
And I lose mine

I was nine but my little palm
Could hold a world of confidence
I trapped it in my fist and placed it on my hips
I wore my blue frock and posed
And I thought the world was mine

Now I think I was stupid
Now I know I was happy
Now I know, it’s childhood

The grass, the sky, the trees, the roads,
Hell, even the streetlights after rain
They’ve all lost their voices
My old books lie dead
Do they miss a blue-frocked girl?

But I miss her
She didn’t care about the bad days she had
She was me, some day.
Now, just a third person pronoun I can’t reach

I’ll allow myself some tears
While wishing she were here
She has a lot that she could teach.

E-chat

May 12, 2021 ahonarc1 Comment

It's nice to have friends
But it's also not bad
To hear cotton-voiced guys and marble-voiced girls-
Strangers over group calls,
A happy little break from
Rotting in your bed and
Staring at the walls

A sixteen year old plays her favourite songs
For a man a decade older
I try to warn her
But she doesn’t listen
But I don’t listen
As I keep humming the tunes
The artsy man says his girlfriend loves
I thank God he’s unavailable

I tease a guy, pull his legs
I think I would avoid him
If I were to meet him anywhere
A classroom, a bus stand, a friend’s house
He is rural but his tastes are global
A gen Z specimen and a flirt
I call him my brother and he bans me from the chat
All girls in the group face exactly that
And we laugh
I promise to stop and he lets me come back
But he’s a virgin, he says
And I’m a virgin, but I only smile
We all know we aren’t going anywhere
Further

The older woman who sings like a star
And the guy my age who plays the guitar
The nerdy boy who shares great memes
And the sulky teen who has big dreams
All of them, I’ve known for a week,
All of them have known me a bit

When the walls shut me in
I let the internet win:
They’re fragile and fickle
But these are still bonds
When I scrape for memories
They won’t be gone

We’re, we know, just passing the time
They tell me stories and then listen to mine,
And we waste away our lonelinesses
With pseudonyms and masked faces,
Celebrating our virtual lives.

Him

May 12, 2021 ahonarcLeave a comment

He was singing with sleep in his mouth
My head was full of waking dreams
Our arms melted into skin in love
My sleeplessness was soothed by it

I asked him who he was
He said he has always been,
Sometimes the drop of yellow paint
On the dusky city sky
Sometimes a bubble of nostalgia
Of familiar roads I pass by
Sometimes nothing more
Than a ray of hope
That there will be another day
Or maybe a poem I wrote
Thinking about things adore
Or complaining about those I hate

He sang to me until I fell asleep
Blessed me with dreams to dream
I don't know who he is or will be
I know he will give me wings

2020s

May 12, 2021 ahonarcLeave a comment

It was the year when millions died
And a girl woke out of love
It was when shells were broken
Souls roamed free
Bodies stuck to their cages
For what seemed like ages

People online played board games
A man broke his back
Scratching miles on earth
To and fro, a migrant and a labourer
Nothing more nor less
Perhaps a little less human

Sunrise dripped out of the sky
The youth shed tears
Mourning its days of freedom
Hearts beat as fast as
Fingers typed on screens
Reality had shifted its venue

And the old, they died
And I remembered the saying
Death is the death of the fear of death
But death is real as real can get.
It was the year we all broke anew
It was the year I fell for you.

Blues

May 12, 2021 ahonarcLeave a comment

What would I do
If I couldn’t smell
The blue syrup of the sky after dawn
What would I do
If you hadn’t worn a dress
Baby blue with innocent joy
What would I do
If the waters didn’t flourish
In all shades of blue

What would I do
If I couldn’t romanticize
My slothful blues
Dull, greyish and tear-less
What would I do
Oh, what would I do?

Call me by my name, too

May 12, 2021 ahonarc1 Comment

Call me by my name,
Please make sure
That I exist
In coiling streets
And stuffy traffic
When will I, for once,
Be missed?

The sun is rising
I am stepping
Down into another day
Bonds are formed
And then broken
But there is none
That I have made

Before I forget myself
I write fragments
Of poetry
To make sure that I exist
I am battered and bruised
Scattered and used up
All over these

Gritty bits.

Dissent

May 12, 2021 ahonarcLeave a comment

Welcome to my land
It's pretty
Beautiful with shades of wealth
There is nothing wanted/
Missing
We're thriving in the pink of health

Altercations, rumours, riots-
Crafted by the
Enemy states;
We are happy, we are booming
There is no need
To dissent.

No need to protest
Systemic blows
No need to ask for
Employment
No need to question
GDP
No need to push
Our government

For we are happy
We are rising
More than ever
(Fresh statistics)
We only need to 
Close our eyes
And be a bit
Optimistic.

Aloneness

May 12, 2021 ahonarc3 Comments

My aloneness is an island
Walls so high that a tsunami can't break it down
My aloneness is naked
I keep trying to clothe myself in strangers' words
But my skeletoned yearning is exposed and loud

It's battering my brain
I am back this time again
My aloneness is punching me to a pulp
I have no memories to eat
I am hungry and in need
I think I'm going to throw up.

Kitchen

May 12, 2021 ahonarcLeave a comment

It was a large house
Airy, marbled, and windowed colourfully,
With gaudy furniture reeking of dowry;
It was a large house
Ornamental, but not beautiful,
Spacious and narrow-minded.

“Here is my living room, Vaani
The curtains are lavender for you
Take care of them, love,
This city is a den of pollution”,
He shakes his head;
“That is our bedroom, and I must say
Your parents bought a nice king-sized,”
And he flashes a slick smile;
“Those two rooms are
For our first and second sons,
They will be fair and beautiful,
Just like you,” he grins,
“You look even more lovely
When you blush”

“Where’s the kitchen?”
“Why the hurry? Here it is
That’s the room you’ll spend your life in
Because, frankly speaking, I can only make tea.”

Forest

May 12, 2021 ahonarcLeave a comment

I'm seeping into the soil
My sky is green with the foliage of life
The lack-forest of the city
I have left behind

So I lie on the ground
My eyes closed,
I am looking for the primeval scent
No more the sooty smoke
Of a fast-paced world
I crave the forest so I paint it
Green, dark, and thick with wisdom

My skin settling into the earth
Starts to tingle
The beasts arrive with hungry jaws;
Abiding by the forest's laws
They jump to devour my flesh
My end is dancing before my eyes

In this forest of my making
Perils of civilization
Are nothing but wolves,
Tigers, lions, and the like
I feel better to give in to them
Than to those of my own kind,

And I meet my fate
In the forest in my mind.