She is not satisfied with the end drop of his sentence His hair connects to the sky She could be beautiful, responding He could have some texture, Anything, really Beyond the black and the white and the ever-so-clichéd Grey. For the words to have life to them They have to speak in a sombre, essential silence Her hair meshes with the ground, look, The birth of another mistake. They were children once Before I reduced them to two characters Here, Right now Their hopes and dreams and resplendent joy I have erased To string a graph of cause and effect But that is the real mistake, is it not? If there’s no truth Then there’s no harm A taste full of tears with a dollop of warmth.
…
It was raining, could you see?
Strained my eyes so hard, man.
Not a drop. My eyelids are heavy and dry
And droopy
I couldn’t see the rain. Maybe it stopped?
There was a breeze by the valley
I wasn’t there but I remember my footprint in its soil
If only I could unravel my heart’s turmoil, you’d know
And if you’d know, you’d tell me
Won’t you?
How to wake up and feel the new smell of a day
How to age
And act like it.
For now I will just sit and stare
My time lying empty and bare, but not free
Oh no, never.
I shift cities and lay still forever
Motionless. Emotionless.
Waiting for nothing,
Nothing gets better.
You see?
Some people are soft. I talk to her and I melt, how can a girl be Cotton candy? I read books and I wonder Like my scant-smile professor asks Do we see words or sentences? Do I see meanings? Someone looked proud of me today So I decided to believe it’s summer after all Not the bad kind with scorching stress The good kind Of childhood, holidays and holiday homework Of evenings in swings and ice-cream nights Some people are soft, you see They are the good kind. Cotton candy and white coconut flesh joy Refreshing. But I will go back Churn myself over to those who will spurn me I talk to them and I sting How can a man be a tempting thorn? Or, like the other girl who’s so brilliant that I cannot trust her eyes I squint and keep still, she throws her skeleton at my arms Flaming thoughts rupture into my skin I wish to win affection from her. And him. Some people aren’t soft. But it’s not so easy You see They are the good kind, too Some souls help me heal Some break me anew.
Poet/Lover
He sat right beside me and grew up into someone I didn’t know All within a year She met me two hours ago Seven years later I will be crying on her shoulder When everyone has broken my heart Seemingly forever. I will borrow a phrase now “some memories exist out of time” Can you, too? If I slip away, will I find you again? Will I keep finding you, like I did three years ago? I think I saw you last Monday You were with your girlfriend’s mother But I am drinking tea next to you when we’re fifty. You said I grew up and forgot you I said that I forgot to remind you that I have loved you Since the second we met. That is, now. Hey.
Wait
If I walk away to a distant dream Someday Will you sit at your sofa, Homely and waiting? I will get all your letters but I cannot write back My arms will be fragile as snow My heart frigid Will you still hold your pen for me? I dreamt that we were at a party You were busy preparing snacks I waited for you to see me. There were so many people. We never liked so many people before You spoke for hours And hours With so many people I couldn't wait for you to see me so I came to you To help You laughed at the sandwich I made. I was happy to have been seen I wanted to leave that dream party I think you wanted me to leave. Midnight stations itself beside my eyes I really must go now In search of other dreams Where there are no many people I will wait for you to wait for me I should cry if you leave.
Tragicomedy
Show them the question you ache for News bulletins go to waste I don't care about the war, People die every day of hunger and abuse I only care for you. If I could burn the world to make you smile I'd do it in a heartbeat But everything is such a massive joke. It sucks. I wish I weren't so comic I wish it didn't hurt.
Ugly
I was thirteen when I knew If you look at a face long enough You forget it was unpleasant once The creases ring of laughter The up-and-down teeth are happy Everything is kinder When you befriend them. He fought with me day and night Like children do I detested him but I couldn't find him ugly Anymore I thought I was growing older Kinder, smarter You know, I was not. Years later I saw him again Puberty had done some charms Tall, wide and muscles gurgling with pride He was so ugly I couldn't look at his smile. He'd forgotten about me by then Yet I knew what kind of a man he has become He still fights with anyone he finds weak Like adults do And he's become an ugly man.
Tiptoeing between train tracks
This arrives so that can leave The sun is looking at me Curious I'm stuck like a paper On the underside of a dirty gray train track Flapping freely in the wind I am free, am I not? I can reread my stories and stay I can take a leap and leave Some kids are playing with cats and dogs And sticks And mud I am tiptoeing between train tracks, busy Everything must change, she says Does she know my arms flinch when she does? Change. Go. Come back. I'm tiptoeing between the train tracks.
A Childhood Memory
In the gritty aftermath of a long day I offer you my arm When you ask about my childhood. I let rivers ripple through memorybeds Some edges have eroded Time is so mighty that it makes me shudder, Everytime. All memories don't have to prick painfully, I decide. So I tell you of the time We went to the playground And a boy made me laugh until I burst The dusk covering our little hearts As they grew into something thicker. I remember how he wasn't taller than me I remember how he didn't know I was younger and he was older We were so small, it didn't matter He was so silly that I couldn't forget his teeth I was so happy that I thought I'd always be. We don't remember each other Or ourselves, even I don't know if he has grown taller, or if he now knows how age works I see us standing on the swings Taking in the evening breeze as he makes me laugh Like no one else had done before I can imagine no life beyond the moment. You see my lost eyes, you hold my joy You sigh, No memory can be lived again.
Your tears will rise and fall You will grow up and shrink into a child Is it alright? I dreamt of sleeping in his arms A paper thin love stuck to my humid skin Some mornings are so far away My tears will wash it all away Clean, spotless. You needn't worry, you can rise and go I will play music for myself to pour out And overspill Till then I chew hearts and find them rigid I don't want you to visit me.
