Walk your fingers along the ridges of her skin
See how time sank its teeth
How the sun slapped its heat
And left her cold, unsettled, burning.
Stop, for a moment
Take off her earrings
Take off the music and weep
Step inside your mind and reach inside her heart
She knows what you think.
Her laugh had been sweeter,
The one that got away,
Her mind frame less weak
She was yours, then, now, and forever
She is not here. She is.
Comb out her hair and give her a kiss
Leave her unspoken
Lay her in dreams.
You put your arm
Whole
Inside my heart
There was so much blood,
Could you see? Could you not?
I saw it in your eyes
The raging, burning, love.
Let me go, my heart is yours
I lick your wounds, you plant a kiss
I can feel it glow, the latent heat
She stands right behind your eyes.
In our house, years go by
She stands quiet, still eighteen
She stands as if she’s about to leave
She will. You won’t. I’ll stay, for you
There was so much blood
Couldn’t she see?
Give back my heart, my love
She won’t give yours to me
With stones. Or bricks.
Always, always, always
I keep making my mind up
When the summer trees leave their green
My house is built for me, and you stand
Always, always
Always at the door.
Somewhere between my plastic heart
And elastic memories
My house rises, shatters, rises again
You stand at the door with your lips against my name.
I wear my skin inside out
My heart is upside down
And my hair is everywhere
You sit at the door, with the eyes of a bird
You laugh without a care
I break the mirror with stones. Or bricks
Rip the canvas with a knife
The door stands metal cold
Thanks for passing by.
I can settle for a name
Or a word
For poems or for jokes.
I can settle
Today or some years later
A few more marks stretching across my torso
Where will it end?
You tell me a story five times in a year
The endings remain the same
You share your life and take mine away from me.
I can settle for your stories
Or for your mass manufactured emotions
Or for the quiet unsettling way you weaken my woes
Say the right words. At the right time
I would settle for you if you were the right one,
Mine.
A few more drinks, a few more drags
And we will call it
Intoxication
We will call it friendship. I can settle for a friendship
My instincts retracting inside
I can’t settle for you
I step out with a sleeping heart
Dormant. Not a doormat
Smiles may bloom someday. Let’s hope?
Yet it was so simple, so long ago.
What if I touched your shoulder in a mindless space of joy
Can you swim through your past?
Don’t look at me like that
Don’t inhale my skin
Who can tell if it lasts?
Cities scattered, you grow lovelier
The song of the day is to mourn
I could run to you, small leaps, fast
Follow you where you go.
The smoke rings fly away, your eyes are deep
I could cry, I think I might
Words have no meaning. The end or the beginning?
Let’s quieten for a while.
Good, and hungry Underneath my metal bones I'm doing good. Just hungry Care for a cup of tea? A winter wish to weather away A summer urge to burn Leaves of pages I cannot read There's little I understand, you know? I saw a sea of faces Beautiful, beautiful Wide eyed. Narrowed. Scholars and sighs I follow the red bricks and nature's green But now as I close my eyes I want new ways of how. Kaise? Just some words on a wordless day.
I was smiling and I suddenly realised I am my mother's daughter: I share blood in my laughter. No escape from the same way my mouth twisted, smirked and hid itself All in a second or two No escape, and it's beautiful.
A thread of fondness glisten quiet Buried deep inside the muck All so vague, a knowing mistake Out of love. All out of luck. Leaves fall off. My tea shines, cold A final heartbreak No final home Fingers part, a newer start Feelings come unstuck. My eyes uncovered, my heart distilled. Flowers on a feathered field. Alone and pure and what? No strength to praise or blinding days A life of ifs and buts.
A cold smile brews like a spasm Through a love, Static in its undecision. If I could paint a flower, why would I paint it blue? Delhi rides in autorickshaws, and We slice through the winter wind, sharp I keep moving, on from you Only onwards. Only a new day. Only if. A quaint film, a lovely dinner The city paints its scenes I pour out my heart, like wine, They come and take a whiff. Grabbing joy at a picnic green, A ribbon drops from my palm Could I leave myself? My heart? My sighs? The crowd will keep me warm.
I don’t know any of you but You don’t know any of me than a girl who’s spent I don’t know myself Any more Than I can possibly invent. Where should I go? My eyes stretch and crash at the waves The sun shines on a sea of Abstractions We must make meanings, always, he says, And we are under construction, is it? I say Build me a house. Of wood. Or steel It must not break before I die Or, you could be sand and I, the seafoam Together, apart A restless life.
