Ash, it's nothing but concrete, ground to micro bits Solid and useless No road not a dead end. It's nothing but ash. I held him in a dream a few years ago Arms fitting perfectly around his sweating back. My nose is married to that scent, I would know him anywhere, Given a chance. I'd like to think he is dead now Or someone entirely different Who smells of cologne or perfume or something more artificial I'd like to imagine him as a robot, alive and dead, And satisfactory for my script. He was all ashes in the end, And my chase was clumsy and unrewarding Yet my heart And my nose Grew. Tonight the rain falls and some of my hair has silkened into milk I am alone but wiser. For a moment I make the mistake of regretting.
Category: Uncategorized
I take a tender piece of art And eat it Stubborn chewing until it's all inside me Broken down and easy Until I let it consume me And I am no longer a woman who cannot feel. Sometimes I want to switch off the lights too early At other times the urge to wake up an old woman Who has lived a life Years of deep, devoted caring And cared for Is so strong that I remind myself my grandmother's bones are as hollow As her heart is full. If only I could give away my love freely Like a brilliant sunflower I know If only I didn't need to be loved back completely Precisely If not more, But I am younger than I feel and these years will have to be lived in Before they become a strong house of hardened bricks And weathered door-hinges. To love and be loved has to be taught and learned I am no sunflower I shy away from gold. On days that autopilot removes all warmth I bide my time until A sweet bite of two lovers embracing Or an old man and his cat And I am flushed again with my mortal joy To feel.
A headache that never subsides. Do you know stars explode? I'm at your feet Lean into my eyes, can you see? Not even a spark, yet I'm burnt out and split into so many women Choose any for the day. There will be no price, my love, please lean into my eyes If my limbs were strong I could sprint off To somewhere far away where I could be water Greening plants, birthing flowers and fruits I am at your feet, sorry, I am limp and unmoving A headache explodes in my recurring daydream Lean into my eyes and suck away its light Bury me into a darkness that can never show me Something that pulls out a sigh. Can you be timeless and old? I could love you forever. You can remember me as long as You want If you do. Before it all ends into a heap of wispy words Dry and dusty I will cry a river Coloured by the moon.
Did I love her like a student
Eating like treats every new thing she dropped on my lap
Or did I love her like a child
For the eternal questions she threw in my arms
Did I love her at all?
Could I have loved her if I didn’t know what it means to love?
I know I was perched on her shoulder
And she carried me with a smile as broad as her swath of hair
Did I love her like a fighter?
Years of walls I had broken
My walls
But I had no help breaking them, I fought,
My flabby arms are strong, in a way no one can know.
I loved her like a fighter, her arms were like the branches of a mother tree
I knew she held me even if I’was no more solid than a splash of water,
There was only a calm and a soft silence that I will not remember perhaps.
Did I love her like a puzzle
To my eyes she had gaps and I could never know more than what she told me
Or what I could assume
Did I love her without knowing if there was at all any room for me
In her life which I hope (I am sure) will be long
Outstanding
Bright and chaotic like a star
Did I love you then
Or do I love you only when I’m gone
Only afar?
If my skin was not so dry Your touch would possibly never flake away Dandruff-like, settling on the floor with dust Stepped on like memories that promised once to matter. I could have made you into a small pillow Carried under my arm and protected with all my might We would sleep against a mango tree My fingers curling around your hair Or the other way round In the sweetness of a hot Delhi afternoon I would have nibbled into your palm To remember you like a treat. If you asked, I would make a sculpture out of your arm That reaches around my shoulder Your narrow back and the ebb and flow Of tidal hair gurgling in a voice that only suits youth I would remember you in the shape of a fairy. If you needed to know, I would spell out The beauty of your poetry that slips out of your dark vignette How I hate your brilliance, blinded by your shadow How I nurture your follies and relish in your love. I could also write, if you insisted, on the sunlight of your dreams Of visions as clear as a freshwater lake On your blotless reason and selfless stretch of a heart. If you wondered about yourself I would teach you, my friend, You are so unmistakably yourself That I am pushed towards some envy And a whole lot of pride. But I am a small woman, with a smaller heart Rough patches of fabric on taut, hollow bones A blowed up box of pleasantries and Nothing inside. I would like to remember you Like the purr of a cat against my hesitant chest So that when the world ends in a nondescript accident Or in a celebrated glory Or whatever I remember the pleasure of a welcome guest.
Before we settled for a lie, He was curious. What made me unique? I could make him laugh in monosyllabic grunts He could make me less alone, Wanted, chased after, like the pathetic excuse of a bitch I was, I am, and I will be And don't fool yourself thinking you could never be me I was used to explaining my jokes But he made me explain my poem I am not sorry it wasn't about him, if I'm honest. To sound like a villain is not a crime But he meant nothing to me. Why would I lie? His voice was deep but his words were shallow His decision that I was smart (Unlike other girls) Was as funny as it could get. How else could I be unique? It was sad, but wasn't it funny? Yet I feel a bitterness turning inside me It is getting Outside the script Oh shit it's getting heavy.
The candle is burning out I've been spread like ash long ago This is not about that Don't worry I'll have a lifetime to mourn myself. The green of the trees slip some sun through them My friends shine so bright Each different like pebbles sifted from sand Round, sharp, smooth, whichever way you like My friends are here And will be till I forget what Time is supposed to say. There is no candle, there will be no darkness I will tell myself this. I will tell myself I will be this embraced This myself Forever But the candle is burning and the sun slipped through the leaves Because they're waving me goodbye A city's open arms and a home's enormous heart If I speak I will reduce it and end up slicing it all into puns This life happened (the past tense a stab) Like no other life could This love happened, for once.
I churn my blood like foam in a bucket Bubbles kiss the air and plop to their deaths, What a beautiful, terrific sound. If my limbs weren't torn I would travel so far, You cannot imagine, my love. I would not run to you, No. I dare not. I am slippery like soap I churn out foam, you could mistake it for venom You could mistake it for love I do not know what it is, I will admit. I will travel far, in hopes of finding myself out Before you can I need my blood to flow inside me and buzz in my ears I need my blood still and quiet Rid of bubbles Rid of the unfortunate unkempt ephemerality. If you don't understand me, Don't fret, Who ever has? Neither have I. My limbs are torn and all my blood splashed out and foaming freely One day I will tame it And the red moon will rise like my protective mother. You will taste the blood, I will pour it out for you to drink it, Endless.
Moments Of happenings and the lack thereof A swarm of crows speeding towards my skin Plucking it off by bits I take you, Time, I grab your hair and pull them off one by one Do not dare to stroke my cheeks and not stop for a kiss. A knock on my chest There are knots in my chest Time does not enter. I clutch in air and her hair falls in my palm It was an act of love I saw an act of violence Aloof and alone and endless, Time, you bitch You make love to them and look right past me.
A certain wetness in his skin Trickling down his neck like a sweetness I dreamt of Some years ago, when no mirror knew my name. My ears against his hair His face against my chest The sun drops out in mercy and the moon walks in again Red, red, round and shining Will he understand? The moon never tells you how to keep a man. He picks me up and I run along I'm descending into the madness of joy Where is the knife to destroy this? Where are my soldiers March! Cover me with shields Don't let me dance! But her eyes Oh (I am the hopeless poet) Petals of paradise. She sees me when I am hidden in smoke I stare at her I redden like the moon I once ran away from I run again Her hair like the flood of a sea Sways me. Don't draw me in! I am a child again, She is my joy My tears against her lips Her words against my breath I cry for help Oh The need to escape.
mimimusing 