I am unable to sleep or read or think
Sirens blaring outside my room
Metaphorically, of course,
I have stopped consuming media.
No violence is real if I can't see it, no.
I am strangely attracted to a man who is
Absolutely unnecessary,
Quite unfamiliar but a stock character nonetheless,
He is reminding me that I have been too alone
Too much and too long.
For now I am running back to the slender girl
Of a youth not very distant
It took me a foolish amount of time to realise
Her smile wasn't coy or mysterious,
Her arms weren't always inviting
Nor her shoulders nurturing,
I was, as the story goes,
In love.
She was in love too, back then,
I think she still is,
Like before, none of that's any of my business,
But my revelation a new spark of pain.
I dream of her sometimes and wake up crying
Simply because I am uncomfortably sure
She does not dream of me
Or even remember my kiss.
She lies against her boyfriend's mushy beard
I smoke another one (I asked my bestie to quit)
My laptop begging me to shut it down
And sleep.