Suddenly the window clears and you see the outside
Then within
Unhappy, unhappy. Better than false hopes 
No man, broad enough to cover your dread,
Laughter not raw nor gentle,
My face dripping off and splashing on my pillow
A woman of wails and failed tugs at the heart.
I spoke of some old longings
The need that burns into my time
Leaving my days shapeless and impotent for a future
But the shadows nodded their heads
One quick jerk and there they fly
Away from my body
I am looking for what I should look for but never expect to get.
How hard as a rock have I become
I wonder
Not a mountain, not big enough,
But the rose glasses are off
Another lifetime of loneliness,
Of chasing more shadows perhaps.
For now I look outside as the rain hazies it all
I scroll through my phone
Unhappy. Unhurried.
Unmoving, to a fault.